Ferly the I Believe

Ferly the I Believe

Most everyone in their small office keeps to themselves. The work they do is best done by one person at a time and everyone knows this. There is little time or opportunity for small talk and no one seems to mind. There is no office holiday parties, sports team, lottery pool or pot luck lunches. No one is really sure who is single or who has kids. No personalized items are allowed to adorn their work area and all workers are required to wear clothes and accessories in black, brown and grey tones only. No jewellery, no cell phones, no books and no music players are allowed in the building or outside their cars in the parking lot.

Employees are encouraged not to fraternize in the office or socialize outside the office. Office romances are strictly against the rules and breaks are scheduled so that workers never have a break at the same time.

Just in the last week or so one of them has started to wonder if the one across from them is looking at them. Around the same time the one across wonders if they are being watched. They have to work right across from each other in this little office five days a week and do their best to pretend that they don’t feel like they are on fire when ever they happen to look at each other. Though, neither will give the slightest indication to the other that they too are suffering.

One looks for reasons to hide behind piles of work that they would otherwise feel put upon if asked to do. One has positioned their monitor in such away that they can no longer see the person across from their face unless turned a little and sitting up, which means they spend a lot of time hunched over at an angle. Though hands can be seen moving through the gap between her monitor and desk, and one can see brown shoes under the desk and feet that suspiciously wiggle when ever they shuffles papers around.

They have worked in this place; this crazy disconnected from humanity office that keeps them from letting anyone know what exactly is going on between them. They both fantasize about what they’d do to the other and they both know in their hearts that the person across from them is the one. They go on like this for the better part of a year and then one day one of them finds a small piece of paper tucked under the wiper on the windshield of their car.

The note read “Me and you?”

Neither the receiver of the note, nor the writer of the note slept much or well that night. The next day they proceeded with their daily rituals of bathing, dressing, eating, packing their supplies for the work day and heading off to the office. Both felt wild and uncomfortable during the drive, both felt a pit in their stomachs as they parked. Both felt like they were walking on legs made of noodles as they made their way from the parking lot to the building, and both sat at their desks doing their best to make themselves small and unseen by the other.

Finally after what seemed an eternity, the end of the day arrived. One got up and made their way to the exit. Unable to stand it, the other followed. Keeping their distance until they reached the first ones car, one approached the other and said “I believe you’re the one”.

GP by GP – I Believe!

GP by GP – I Believe!

There is no reason to beat around the bush, I have a few things to say about believing and how I want people to see me. By believing in something we have a fixation point to start from, if it proves to be folly, then we discover it along the path.

To believe in something is and should only be the first step in understanding a subject of current interest.


I believe I’ll dust my broom.

I want people to have a good impression of me. I will go an extra mile to keep my workspace clean and manageable. I will work 15% harder to simplify a work process or a daily task at home, so it could be done by others without reinventing the wheel.

That said I am also annoyingly strict with my duties and have the idea that I can do them better myself. There is a lot of hard work for others to gain anything that resembles trust from me.

If I can leave a place and anyone with half a mind can pick it up later, then I have done a good job. Then anyone can have my room…


I believe in love

The devotion of another person based on attraction and synchronization of minds are a fickle business. I do not doubt that it exists somewhere in a perfect form, but for me and the generation I have to deal with; it has become an estranged concept to live with someone on the merits of true love. It is either financial strategy or forced by either desperation or third party.

I want a relationship to be the second level understanding. The work of deep thoughts being exchanged in silence, I want communication and involvement be thought of in a pair instead of two people trying to make them both fit in one seat… I am not sure I am explaining it well enough…

Love for me should be us both thinking “us” instead of “you and me”


I believe in you

No I don’t!

Trust issues and the elaborate combination of my personal interests have made me an island. I get stressed thinking about all the work I am doing and all the hours I waste, when I look in hindsight. Is anything done, time well spend?

I am not curing cancer by myself, but somewhere, something I do matters… let’s just hope it will be in time.


I believe in Father Christmas

Ho, ho, fucking ho, what a crock of shit. They invented Santa Claus and now we’ stuck with it!

Through history and the magic of bullshitting loose folklore together, they have managed to create the Father Christmas we know today. I will not mention the beverage company that set the current model and made the commercial world spin around it.

The legend of the current man is absurd at best, but the personal wonder and magic that time of year creates are special and for that we cannot have it too often. We are not in a majority going around giving gifts or merely thought to distant relations in our family on daily or weekly basis. We have a tight enclave of family and friends that gets our love and attention, but once… or thrice a year we are by tradition able to overcome our crippling fear of others and show some love to semi-strangers.

There are exceptions to anything and there are examples that will prove me right, so don’t bother telling me how good you are and what hobo you send through college on the tips you throw at his face with a running start.

Making holidays like this is often interpreted as an extreme shallow gesture and it shows us how unkind and pathetic we are as humans in this generation. On the other hand… if there weren’t anything of this sort… where were we then? If no one thought outside their comfort zone at any point… then what? If anything good has come out of the commercial nightmare of food orgies and lending sprees… it is that we are showing ourselves that we are not afraid to think of others and at the same time, taking it a… half step… further.

By enforcing this “tradition” we are making ourselves think about the difference we could make for others… it really makes you wonder what we can do as a human race… for a day or two.


I believe I can fly

Aviation has been here for ages now. I love it. It has broken barriers and connected the world in ways thought impossible. There really isn’t anything bad to say about it.

Unless you account for drones… Prying on others private life in lack of own or with malicious intent is bad. Shame should be placed and drones should be shot down when discovered hovering over your house with a camera. Blow that 2000$ bastard out of the sky and watch the owner whine like a baby. That will teach you! I will shake my fist at you… I am doing it at the screen, but the effect seems lessened by the notion that I am not seen. Damn you again then…


I believe in miracles

Miracles are not magical. They are fortunate events on a needed time. No matter how much I want to believe in magic, it is not in the common used term possible. Conjuring something out of nothing and displacing anything with the will of the mind is by all means impossible. A magician is a skillful person who can make a move faster than the eye can register or is able to divert attention. If we do not understand what is going on, we as a group will often find it impossible or unbelievable.

Therefore, study… study your ass off and buy a new one. The more you learn, the more you understand and you will finally be able to see the sleight of hand or the string in the curtains. I am talking metaphorical if you couldn’t tell. We have seen throughout history how things like the sun have gone from a worshipped god to a massive star of hydrogen. We have seen weather phenomenon go from the wrath of the gods to humans changing nature or the periodical recurrence of tornados when two air masses meet.

Don’t believe in magic for the sake of not caring about the true reason. The true miracle will begin the day people stop being lazy and start studying things they don’t quite understand.


I believe in a thing called love

Loving something, like a consumable object has become a modern disease! Not that it only lie in the semi-narcotic desperation for the product, but more often the image the product signals. Branding has become a mare that keeps people up… or down at night, depending on German folklore.

It has become normal to identify yourself through brands and by that stringing an outward face together that others shall see, interpret and understand. I am talking of beverages, electronics, clothes etc. It is important to show wealth through style and possession.  Through hundreds of generations, we have been taught that wealth means good and second handing something means you are a fucking poor and pathetic loser that should not sit at the adult table.

I am disgusted… more than usual. I have kept myself from imprisonment for several lifetimes, not choking every single motherfucking retard that will blankly state that their choice is the only right one and everyone else should follow their lead. Damn I hate this planet so much and everyone in it!

Tangential as usual, back to the subject before I choke myself just to have something to do… by the way asphyxiation is a good way to see where you lost your keys! When your life is passing before your eyes you can see where you dropped your keys and remember the library book or two you forgot about years back. Go for it you branding whores… I dare you!

Tangential squared… Summing it up… Don’t be that guy… what guy? THAT GUY!


I believe in music

Music can be a beautiful gateway to emotions and nostalgia… which is just old emotions. I am becoming more and more cynical as this post progress.

Music is a way to explain your feelings and create fleeting emotions for the listener. We do like things to go fast and our minds are racing along, so a new emotion every 3-4 minutes is good enough for our patience.

Music can bring us into a world of wonder; tell us a story… a short one Donovan! … Or even just pound our brains out if we need to stop listening to anyone including ourselves.

Many have a low patience for techno… me included, but having noise that drowns out your mind can sometimes be blissful. Over thinking or interpreting everything all the time can be stressful. The body working on one thing and the mind going to the moon and back several times an hour will leave you fatigued in every aspect. So putting on mind-rapingly stupid techno music can actually make your mind relax. It will torture your ears and there is often another, but more work demandable way to ease your mind, but it will take the lazy ass two second to turn on the radio and get ear-raped to oblivion. Just remember to write your name and social number down so the paramedic knows where to drop your bloated corpse.

If you listen to techno, you might not be as stupid as you think… if you like techno… that is something else!


I believe in the man in the sky

There is currently no god. We are thinking it backwards and we are not created in his picture. We will eventually realize that for us to progress beyond our boundaries, we need to create god in our picture and collect our entire knowledge into this single being that will calculate our next move. God is not all knowing before we tell him everything!



I believe in you and me

Haven’t we been through this subject at some point? Damn you musicians and your blatant lack of imagination. If you could do something else than sing about how smoothly you are trying to seduce and ram-fuck that tweed wearing moron who couldn’t see a signal if he/she were hit with it from a running start, I could have written about something else here, but no! No such fucking thing is going to happen is it? Sometimes I really feel like it is gilded pages by gunpoint.

Why should I think of something else? Don’t we have people for that? My imagination only reaches this far and for that to expand, we need some sort of expanding doodah… yeah I am out of ideas here. Damn you all in general, for arbitrary reasons!


I believe to in my soul

It is always interesting to see the time elapsing between a person learning something is wrong and to the point where the lie is too large for it to be ignored. We are sometimes gullible beasts, which will ignore facts to stay in a comfort zone for as long as possible. Knowing deep down that your spouse is cheating on you, to the point where the issue is confronted can be as different as there are people in the world. The tolerance of someone desperately clinging onto a “comfort blanket” can go from noble to pathetic in seconds.

Believing that your choice is the right one and people saying otherwise is also a mare of great proportions. You will believe that you made the right choice, you will seek people that will validate your choice, but you can never escape the tiny doubt in your mind that the hurtful accusations towards your beliefs are not rooted in something wholesome and/or true. In that case our minds are assholes and you start thinking with our ass instead… don’t get them confused, even if they both pour our shit!

If you chose what you did and it works for you. Great! If you learn that it was a mistake you haven’t lost anything important and you have gained knowledge others lack and/or need. Please go to tumblr and tell them what you learned and how wrong everyone else is in choosing their brand or mobile phones, clothes, religion, skin color and chocolate. It is very important that we make this large database of right and wrong when we create god in our picture. He needs to know which Job we need to worship and which Gates we need to take!

Do not be tricked by trolls and they are known by popular demand. Do your research and live with your choice. As long as you can feed yourself afterwards you made a good enough choice!


I believe it all

The internet generation and the trolls that are leading the collective intelligence of the world astray! How an adorable title for a book in black plastic and grey lettering in a library that no one has ever heard off. The pages would be white with black letters and a small font, only obstructed once in a while by a picture of a graph or a reference to another book you would never open if your life depended on it.

It has been known for a while now that there are people hired from various states that are changing facts on popular websites, to empower or boost their “party” so they seem larger or more influential than they really are. Since the internet is made for the people by the people, everything you read there must be taken with various amounts of salt. Facts are often misleading and if everyone uses them as benchmark, then they must be true… right?

Doing an essay at school about a certain subject that is researched on the internet will get top grades if the teacher does the same research on the internet to proof read the “facts”… that is logical in itself, except that everyone using 2+2=5 because the internet says so, will eventually fall short when they learn that there is a world outside that elusive and yet overpopulated place, that has the facts based upon millennia of proof.

That brings me to another point. Books are written that could have the same issue. They are still man made. Math is still something made for humans by humans. Language is done by humans for humans. We are changing and so is the communicative world around us. Except math… you can’t change that. 4 are 4 now and forever.

My initial point was that you can read about prosperity and peace in the world while they are setting bombs off in your yard. If you believe everything written on the internet, you are the most gullible person in the world. It is such a translucent place that will contradict itself if you give it half an hour. Study hard and use more than one reference point to a fact. Everyone wants to exaggerate to be more interesting than the next.


I believe in rock and roll

The rebellious youth of the fifties! Look what horrors it has brought us! How could they sleep at night when they knew that people was singing about love and dancing in disquieting paces. The music was rough and noisy contra the 1812 overture… it only had cannons, nothing big like a guitar and lyrics.

The fear of the future and the hilarious thought I am turning in my mind these days, how I adored music from my youth and the horrible crap they are spilling out on the radio today. It is funny to see myself turning into grandpa and hating the kids today. They are loud and out of control. They will never fall in line and be productive members of society… FUCKING HELL THEY AREN’T because I am only hearing about the problems and those who are in the media because they did something horrible, that the news was to hone in upon to make us scared and angry. They are selling us down the river and forcing us to hide in our homes, because the world is an evil place with 5 out of 500 doing something strange. BOOH stay inside and never ask questions!

I am turning bitter and paranoid on my old days and it has left me with a bad taste in my mouth when I meet many new and delightful people through my work. How can I be like this and what does it take to ignore the scare mongering and accept that we are not the worst thing since branding wars?

Millions of young people need a time to run off their horns and when that is done, they become the next hating generation and so forth. There is no need to fear the media. They are only yelling at you for attention, like someone trying to sell electricity or opinions on the street.

Let the rock and roll live forever, they started the revolution that will make or break us. If we break… then it is about damn time! If not… good for us!


I believe in sunshine

Winter has gone and I am still fucking cold. I need sun a vitamin D. Let my skin sizzle like Jones Dairy Farm bacon on a Boeing stow. Let sweat run like Mountain Dew down the bottle and onto the Tuscany Villa Pedestal Table! I will sit in my four season garden chair and adjust my Ray Ban sunglasses and wipe my moist face with a Macy’s Hotel Selection towel. I yearn to casually throw a glance onto the 42” Lynx Professional Gas Grill and watch 50 ounce of grade A JBS beef sizzling like a Northern Pine Snake on the prowl.

Sun is fucking good for you! And now I am hungry… damn it!

Theme: I Believe

Theme: I Believe

So, this post could have been many things as well. Here is a few honorable mentions of what could have been.

My first impulse was to write a fictitious story about two people at a coffee clash debating the nature of freedom of speech. But as this has been covered to death in painful details in so many outputs, it baffles me that so many people openly struggle with the concept still. And those who do not get it at this point is not capable of comprehending the idea. So it would be a post the equivalent of ranting to a closed door, or at most a dim sheep.

My second impulse was to embrace my own nihilism and take the piss. I would proceed to do a decomposition of R. Kelly’s “I believe I can fly,” but after an in-depth analysis I found it is nothing but smoke, mirrors and empty space, and I felt me writing about beautifully presented void would in itself be worse presented void. Binned.

So, I am sitting this theme out.

I do not believe.

I think.

Serial Killer

Serial Killer

Yup, again I fail on the month’s theme. Shit happens…


I am not a ‘Real Crime’ fan. I don’t watch the shows that (I feel) promote despicable acts for the voyeuristic gratification of the masses. I’d rather sit here behind my rose tinted blindfold.

I know bad shit happens. And that it happens a lot. But I do not feel the need to revel in the fact that it does. I’d much rather try and notice the overwhelming number of good things that go unheralded, because they’re not shocking or gritty enough to be promoted.

However, when one of my friends brings something to my attention with ‘Wow… This is like… Wow!’ kinda enthusiasm… I’ll take a look.


In Baltimore (US), 1999, a teenage girl was murdered. Adnan Syed was convicted of killing his ex girlfriend, Hae Min Lee. 15 years later, Sarah Koenig starts to look into the case.

I know. It sounds like the back of a Crime Fiction dust jacket. But it is real.

Sarah and her team have put together a weekly ‘podcast’ called Serial, taking us through her investigation. I put the ‘inverted commas’ around podcast cos it isn’t your usual ‘a few drunk guys laughing at their own jokes and being rather uninteresting’. It is slick, polished, professional and very bloody interesting.

At this point I am going to say nothing more about it. What I will say is…




Go and listen to it. You can find it at http://serialpodcast.org/


It is broken down into 12 episodes of about an hour each, so it may take you a while. But listen to it all before continuing here.

If you can’t be arsed to make it through all 12 episodes, then I wouldn’t bother reading the rest of this. It won’t make sense.

Trust me. Listen to it before you scroll down.  It is engrossing.  It’s ok. I’ll wait for you…


Hae Min Lee












Ok. I’ll assume that you have sat through it all.

Um… What? I was thinking that Adnan was the good guy. Then I thought Jay was ok. Then the experts came in and told me that that the evidence was limp. Then Adnan was evil. Then Jay was scared for his life. Then they pull an Agatha Christie and introduce a protagonist who has not been introduced until the last minute??!!

I don’t mean to cheapen the reality of the actual situation. But I do feel that features/shows like this do cheapen the reality of the situation. I honestly don’t believe that this is the intention. But as a consumer, I feel that this is what it boils down to.

I fell into it as much as anyone else. I was busy wondering if Adnan was honest, or full of guile. Was Jay really threatened by Adnan?  Was the expert opinion thrown in in Ep8 correct (that was a ‘Wow!’ moment for me)?  Or were they simply working on a similar lack of facts and idealistic hope, like the rest of us?..
Or was the Agatha Christie introduction of an obvious and more than plausible suspect at the last minute, the bad guy that means we can feel better about thinking well of the two leading characters in our tale?

And this is where I felt my distress… I was engrossed by the tale. I engaged with empathy for Adnan. I then had empathy for Jay. I was then shocked by the introduction of the new guy.

… All the way through, I feel that it was treated like a thriller. I’m pretty sure that Ms Koenig didn’t see it as such. But she was writing a story. She is a journalist. So her job is to find out shit and present it in a way that entertains us.

I was entertained. I was engrossed. I was examining the minutia to try and work out what actually happened.  I had fun trying to work out whodunnit.

And then I realised… This is not a Whodunnit! A girl died. A real girl. Not a fictional character. A person.

And then it stopped being fun, and I remembered why I’m not a fan of ‘Real Crime’.