GP by GP – I Believe!

GP by GP – I Believe!

There is no reason to beat around the bush, I have a few things to say about believing and how I want people to see me. By believing in something we have a fixation point to start from, if it proves to be folly, then we discover it along the path.

To believe in something is and should only be the first step in understanding a subject of current interest.


I believe I’ll dust my broom.

I want people to have a good impression of me. I will go an extra mile to keep my workspace clean and manageable. I will work 15% harder to simplify a work process or a daily task at home, so it could be done by others without reinventing the wheel.

That said I am also annoyingly strict with my duties and have the idea that I can do them better myself. There is a lot of hard work for others to gain anything that resembles trust from me.

If I can leave a place and anyone with half a mind can pick it up later, then I have done a good job. Then anyone can have my room…


I believe in love

The devotion of another person based on attraction and synchronization of minds are a fickle business. I do not doubt that it exists somewhere in a perfect form, but for me and the generation I have to deal with; it has become an estranged concept to live with someone on the merits of true love. It is either financial strategy or forced by either desperation or third party.

I want a relationship to be the second level understanding. The work of deep thoughts being exchanged in silence, I want communication and involvement be thought of in a pair instead of two people trying to make them both fit in one seat… I am not sure I am explaining it well enough…

Love for me should be us both thinking “us” instead of “you and me”


I believe in you

No I don’t!

Trust issues and the elaborate combination of my personal interests have made me an island. I get stressed thinking about all the work I am doing and all the hours I waste, when I look in hindsight. Is anything done, time well spend?

I am not curing cancer by myself, but somewhere, something I do matters… let’s just hope it will be in time.


I believe in Father Christmas

Ho, ho, fucking ho, what a crock of shit. They invented Santa Claus and now we’ stuck with it!

Through history and the magic of bullshitting loose folklore together, they have managed to create the Father Christmas we know today. I will not mention the beverage company that set the current model and made the commercial world spin around it.

The legend of the current man is absurd at best, but the personal wonder and magic that time of year creates are special and for that we cannot have it too often. We are not in a majority going around giving gifts or merely thought to distant relations in our family on daily or weekly basis. We have a tight enclave of family and friends that gets our love and attention, but once… or thrice a year we are by tradition able to overcome our crippling fear of others and show some love to semi-strangers.

There are exceptions to anything and there are examples that will prove me right, so don’t bother telling me how good you are and what hobo you send through college on the tips you throw at his face with a running start.

Making holidays like this is often interpreted as an extreme shallow gesture and it shows us how unkind and pathetic we are as humans in this generation. On the other hand… if there weren’t anything of this sort… where were we then? If no one thought outside their comfort zone at any point… then what? If anything good has come out of the commercial nightmare of food orgies and lending sprees… it is that we are showing ourselves that we are not afraid to think of others and at the same time, taking it a… half step… further.

By enforcing this “tradition” we are making ourselves think about the difference we could make for others… it really makes you wonder what we can do as a human race… for a day or two.


I believe I can fly

Aviation has been here for ages now. I love it. It has broken barriers and connected the world in ways thought impossible. There really isn’t anything bad to say about it.

Unless you account for drones… Prying on others private life in lack of own or with malicious intent is bad. Shame should be placed and drones should be shot down when discovered hovering over your house with a camera. Blow that 2000$ bastard out of the sky and watch the owner whine like a baby. That will teach you! I will shake my fist at you… I am doing it at the screen, but the effect seems lessened by the notion that I am not seen. Damn you again then…


I believe in miracles

Miracles are not magical. They are fortunate events on a needed time. No matter how much I want to believe in magic, it is not in the common used term possible. Conjuring something out of nothing and displacing anything with the will of the mind is by all means impossible. A magician is a skillful person who can make a move faster than the eye can register or is able to divert attention. If we do not understand what is going on, we as a group will often find it impossible or unbelievable.

Therefore, study… study your ass off and buy a new one. The more you learn, the more you understand and you will finally be able to see the sleight of hand or the string in the curtains. I am talking metaphorical if you couldn’t tell. We have seen throughout history how things like the sun have gone from a worshipped god to a massive star of hydrogen. We have seen weather phenomenon go from the wrath of the gods to humans changing nature or the periodical recurrence of tornados when two air masses meet.

Don’t believe in magic for the sake of not caring about the true reason. The true miracle will begin the day people stop being lazy and start studying things they don’t quite understand.


I believe in a thing called love

Loving something, like a consumable object has become a modern disease! Not that it only lie in the semi-narcotic desperation for the product, but more often the image the product signals. Branding has become a mare that keeps people up… or down at night, depending on German folklore.

It has become normal to identify yourself through brands and by that stringing an outward face together that others shall see, interpret and understand. I am talking of beverages, electronics, clothes etc. It is important to show wealth through style and possession.  Through hundreds of generations, we have been taught that wealth means good and second handing something means you are a fucking poor and pathetic loser that should not sit at the adult table.

I am disgusted… more than usual. I have kept myself from imprisonment for several lifetimes, not choking every single motherfucking retard that will blankly state that their choice is the only right one and everyone else should follow their lead. Damn I hate this planet so much and everyone in it!

Tangential as usual, back to the subject before I choke myself just to have something to do… by the way asphyxiation is a good way to see where you lost your keys! When your life is passing before your eyes you can see where you dropped your keys and remember the library book or two you forgot about years back. Go for it you branding whores… I dare you!

Tangential squared… Summing it up… Don’t be that guy… what guy? THAT GUY!


I believe in music

Music can be a beautiful gateway to emotions and nostalgia… which is just old emotions. I am becoming more and more cynical as this post progress.

Music is a way to explain your feelings and create fleeting emotions for the listener. We do like things to go fast and our minds are racing along, so a new emotion every 3-4 minutes is good enough for our patience.

Music can bring us into a world of wonder; tell us a story… a short one Donovan! … Or even just pound our brains out if we need to stop listening to anyone including ourselves.

Many have a low patience for techno… me included, but having noise that drowns out your mind can sometimes be blissful. Over thinking or interpreting everything all the time can be stressful. The body working on one thing and the mind going to the moon and back several times an hour will leave you fatigued in every aspect. So putting on mind-rapingly stupid techno music can actually make your mind relax. It will torture your ears and there is often another, but more work demandable way to ease your mind, but it will take the lazy ass two second to turn on the radio and get ear-raped to oblivion. Just remember to write your name and social number down so the paramedic knows where to drop your bloated corpse.

If you listen to techno, you might not be as stupid as you think… if you like techno… that is something else!


I believe in the man in the sky

There is currently no god. We are thinking it backwards and we are not created in his picture. We will eventually realize that for us to progress beyond our boundaries, we need to create god in our picture and collect our entire knowledge into this single being that will calculate our next move. God is not all knowing before we tell him everything!



I believe in you and me

Haven’t we been through this subject at some point? Damn you musicians and your blatant lack of imagination. If you could do something else than sing about how smoothly you are trying to seduce and ram-fuck that tweed wearing moron who couldn’t see a signal if he/she were hit with it from a running start, I could have written about something else here, but no! No such fucking thing is going to happen is it? Sometimes I really feel like it is gilded pages by gunpoint.

Why should I think of something else? Don’t we have people for that? My imagination only reaches this far and for that to expand, we need some sort of expanding doodah… yeah I am out of ideas here. Damn you all in general, for arbitrary reasons!


I believe to in my soul

It is always interesting to see the time elapsing between a person learning something is wrong and to the point where the lie is too large for it to be ignored. We are sometimes gullible beasts, which will ignore facts to stay in a comfort zone for as long as possible. Knowing deep down that your spouse is cheating on you, to the point where the issue is confronted can be as different as there are people in the world. The tolerance of someone desperately clinging onto a “comfort blanket” can go from noble to pathetic in seconds.

Believing that your choice is the right one and people saying otherwise is also a mare of great proportions. You will believe that you made the right choice, you will seek people that will validate your choice, but you can never escape the tiny doubt in your mind that the hurtful accusations towards your beliefs are not rooted in something wholesome and/or true. In that case our minds are assholes and you start thinking with our ass instead… don’t get them confused, even if they both pour our shit!

If you chose what you did and it works for you. Great! If you learn that it was a mistake you haven’t lost anything important and you have gained knowledge others lack and/or need. Please go to tumblr and tell them what you learned and how wrong everyone else is in choosing their brand or mobile phones, clothes, religion, skin color and chocolate. It is very important that we make this large database of right and wrong when we create god in our picture. He needs to know which Job we need to worship and which Gates we need to take!

Do not be tricked by trolls and they are known by popular demand. Do your research and live with your choice. As long as you can feed yourself afterwards you made a good enough choice!


I believe it all

The internet generation and the trolls that are leading the collective intelligence of the world astray! How an adorable title for a book in black plastic and grey lettering in a library that no one has ever heard off. The pages would be white with black letters and a small font, only obstructed once in a while by a picture of a graph or a reference to another book you would never open if your life depended on it.

It has been known for a while now that there are people hired from various states that are changing facts on popular websites, to empower or boost their “party” so they seem larger or more influential than they really are. Since the internet is made for the people by the people, everything you read there must be taken with various amounts of salt. Facts are often misleading and if everyone uses them as benchmark, then they must be true… right?

Doing an essay at school about a certain subject that is researched on the internet will get top grades if the teacher does the same research on the internet to proof read the “facts”… that is logical in itself, except that everyone using 2+2=5 because the internet says so, will eventually fall short when they learn that there is a world outside that elusive and yet overpopulated place, that has the facts based upon millennia of proof.

That brings me to another point. Books are written that could have the same issue. They are still man made. Math is still something made for humans by humans. Language is done by humans for humans. We are changing and so is the communicative world around us. Except math… you can’t change that. 4 are 4 now and forever.

My initial point was that you can read about prosperity and peace in the world while they are setting bombs off in your yard. If you believe everything written on the internet, you are the most gullible person in the world. It is such a translucent place that will contradict itself if you give it half an hour. Study hard and use more than one reference point to a fact. Everyone wants to exaggerate to be more interesting than the next.


I believe in rock and roll

The rebellious youth of the fifties! Look what horrors it has brought us! How could they sleep at night when they knew that people was singing about love and dancing in disquieting paces. The music was rough and noisy contra the 1812 overture… it only had cannons, nothing big like a guitar and lyrics.

The fear of the future and the hilarious thought I am turning in my mind these days, how I adored music from my youth and the horrible crap they are spilling out on the radio today. It is funny to see myself turning into grandpa and hating the kids today. They are loud and out of control. They will never fall in line and be productive members of society… FUCKING HELL THEY AREN’T because I am only hearing about the problems and those who are in the media because they did something horrible, that the news was to hone in upon to make us scared and angry. They are selling us down the river and forcing us to hide in our homes, because the world is an evil place with 5 out of 500 doing something strange. BOOH stay inside and never ask questions!

I am turning bitter and paranoid on my old days and it has left me with a bad taste in my mouth when I meet many new and delightful people through my work. How can I be like this and what does it take to ignore the scare mongering and accept that we are not the worst thing since branding wars?

Millions of young people need a time to run off their horns and when that is done, they become the next hating generation and so forth. There is no need to fear the media. They are only yelling at you for attention, like someone trying to sell electricity or opinions on the street.

Let the rock and roll live forever, they started the revolution that will make or break us. If we break… then it is about damn time! If not… good for us!


I believe in sunshine

Winter has gone and I am still fucking cold. I need sun a vitamin D. Let my skin sizzle like Jones Dairy Farm bacon on a Boeing stow. Let sweat run like Mountain Dew down the bottle and onto the Tuscany Villa Pedestal Table! I will sit in my four season garden chair and adjust my Ray Ban sunglasses and wipe my moist face with a Macy’s Hotel Selection towel. I yearn to casually throw a glance onto the 42” Lynx Professional Gas Grill and watch 50 ounce of grade A JBS beef sizzling like a Northern Pine Snake on the prowl.

Sun is fucking good for you! And now I am hungry… damn it!

GP by GP – I’m Sorry!

GP by GP – I’m Sorry!

G.D.U.               Jan 03 – 4141 (Tuesday)

My name is Alistair Cartwright, I am 57 and senior officer at G.C. Taurus II (Galaxy Cruiser.)

I have been under the command of General Ajit Boparai for the last year according to the Julian calendar and have been recently reassigned to Platform 7 on Vorex. It is currently being contained by two tugboats for a drilling operation.

It is a class two ripper and the larger parts of the surface have suffered extensive damage from the separation of the original planet. The main surface contains minerals that are currently unknown to me. Due to my previous experiences I have been forced to leave the military and settle in a quieter routine.

Medical officer BW60v22 has declared me unfit for battle and not sick enough for leave. There have not been struggle or any hint of hostility in the quadrant. I am not agreeing with my superiors, but I am not going to dismiss my pension for petty arguments.

Personal note: If I can get this job done they might reenlist me. Remember to ask General Baranov when the time is right.


G.D.U.               Jan 05 – 4141 (Thursday)

I have inspected Platform 7 for the last two days. Crew of 57 active workers with a few additional staff members. We are including me 65 on this Platform when there are no guests or C3’s inbound.

14 Platforms in all and two tugboats all working independently from what has been told me from my staff. I do not appoint a second in command yet, I have no idea if the recommended people are fit for the task.

Drills work Monday and Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Need one day to cool off, Sunday is maintenance on drill and drones.

Tugboats keep the ripper out of gravitational pull and have drones to catch debris before it damage anything or collides with passing stars, creating a ricochet effect that can get out of hand.

We have C3’s inbound Tuesday and Thursday. C.C.C. Blue One (Colossus Cargo Carrier). Arrived on schedule, 779.000 m3 raw Graphite today. I will keep a personal note in this journal to “Maintenir l’oeil personnelle avec dossiers” so to speak.


G.D.U.               Jan 07 – 4141 (Saturday)

Weekend rituals are usually sporting activities. Teams from the various platforms often gather to play ball or other rigorous activities to keep up morale.

I had a long talk with some of the other Platform advisors today. I was invited to a meeting and introduced to the colorful characters I am to have a running correspondence with. Communication room is well equipped and several lines are setup for warning and personal communication. Contact with people on Earth One has a 4 hours delay, so we leave recorded messages instead. I have not been living for a long period of time so far away before. I wonder how I will cope with Emilie alone back home.

Personal note: Drinking is advised and I do not approve of it. I will see what I can do to either stop or limit the risk of the  effects of intoxication.


G.D.U.               Jan 10 – 4141 (Tuesday)

Weekend ended early. Drilling through Monday and well into Tuesday before we had issues with teeth on the drill. Surface seems to be harder now and they suffer for it. One drill has been taken off duty for two hours. We are not behind on production.

It seems they have measured breakdowns into the schedule, since they didn’t seem to bother much with the hold up. Staff worked more like oiled gears than the oiled gears, if I may leave a witty remark.

I hardly have anything to do other than sign and stamp when the carriers arrive. On that note I need to talk to the cook about stocking on oranges and limes.

C.C.C. Falcon Donkey Arrived 12 hours early. Have been waiting patiently on the 852.433 m3; mostly raw Graphite. We will hear further details from their refinery facility in four days.


G.D.U.               Jan 12 – 4141 (Thursday)

Spoke with one of the tugboats today. Heard the second of command whisper why I was named Air Condition. I had to steel myself for a moment before answering their commander. I announced my full name to clarify the acronymic misunderstanding.

Nothing serious to report from their end, 22 pieces picked up over the last three months. I have nothing to refer too and congratulated them on a job well done. They seemed pleased.

Emilie sent a recorded message today; she is as lovely as I remember her the day I left last time, back in 4137. Communication technician Cormack showed me how to save recordings in personal folders. I made my usual password. Keyword: The Real Name.

C.C.C. Ox arrived on schedule. 800.546 m3

Personal reminder: results came back; it is Lead in the ripper. I need to establish contact to discuss matter with other platforms. It is worthless.


G.D.U.               Jan 14 – 4141 (Saturday)

Saw her last night after I fell asleep in the communication room. I can’t remember how many times I have watched the video from Emilie. Her smile reminds me of our summer vacations. She has not smiled like that for years. Is she finally coping?

I have not indulged myself in work today, platform meetings are usually Sunday while the staff works through the machinery. I chose to go watch the teams play ball.

I hope I can remember my dreams again tonight. She was such a nice sight for sore eyes.


G.D.U.               Jan 17– 4141 (Tuesday)

Nothing happening, no breakdowns and no injuries, I am being complimented by my superiors.

Boring routine, but stable work!

C.C.C. Fortress Forty-two, arrived on schedule. 754.559 m3 graphite and lead mix.


G.D.U.               Jan 18 – 4141 (Wednesday)

Drills are taking damage from a lead vein we struck a few days ago. It might delay work, they are sending in a scouting drone to analyze the advantage and risks of explosives.

There is nothing else to add to the daily routine.

I wake up more often after these two weeks. I might unconsciously want to stay in a light sleep so I can remember her face in my dreams.

Personal note: Remind the cook that oranges are orange and not in the shape, size and taste of red peppers.


G.D.U.               Jan 19 – 4141 (Thursday)

Drills are performing admirable today, no need to adhere to explosives yet. Might be through the vein.

C.C.C. Whalers Choice arrived half an hour late. 787.855 m3 graphite, they promised to send message if the amount of lead was under 15%.


G.D.U.               Jan 20 – 4141 (Friday)

Drills less damaged, we might be through the lead vein. Drones sent in to investigate. Reporting back that the amount has diminished significantly

Emilie sent me a new message today. She finally responded on my record. She sounds like she is improving, weather seems nice where she is. She has a healthy glow and talks spirited about her friends taking her on vacation. We both miss each other.


G.D.U.               Jan 21 – 4141 (Saturday)

The relief of hearing from Emilie has left me able to see her again last night. She sat on my bedside and held my hand. I can’t remember what we talked about, but her face was so kind that it hardly matters. I often wonder…

Supplies finally arrived. Seems like the cook finally got my message. Oranges will be mandatory by one per day for the staff on platform 7.


G.D.U.               Feb 07 – 4141 (Tuesday)

Few days in and mutiny is already on the agenda. Had to force feed two men their orange before the rest ate their breakfast.

I have tried the friendly approach for a month now, doesn’t work. Need to act like the officer they see in me.

C.C.C. Seagull arrived a little early. They waited patiently for an hour. Received 698.557 m3 graphite.


G.D.U.               Feb 08 – 4141 (Wednesday)

I have seen Emilie’s recording again, I can’t recognize the place she is or were. I will send a message home to hear where she went. Maybe it will take my mind of the black space around us here. The only light is the faint stars and the infernal artificial light.

Maintenance went smoothly today. I think they wanted it to go faster so they didn’t have me down on the site. I think I am getting a reputation.


G.D.U.               Feb 09 – 4141 (Thursday)

Every night after I watch Emilie I am visited in my sleep. My girl is sitting on my bedside talking to me. She seems happy and content. I still have no clue what she is talking about.

A rather clumsy docking at cargo bay one has left it hazardous to use that port so we sent the carrier to bay two and called up the technicians. They will be here within a few days with the spare parts.

C.C.C. Blue One arrived as scheduled. Damaged bay one and delayed departure by two hours. 822.677 m3 graphite.


G.D.U.               Feb 10 – 4141 (Friday)

Drilling through the day. Bay one is leaking oxygen so we have problems storing all the graphite as the other platforms tend to send theirs over to us. Apparently we have the largest cargo bays and aren’t stern enough to refuse them our help.

I feel exploited somehow. I extended my hand and Platform 2 pulled my arm off. 1.500.000 m3 graphite and other unidentified rock. I will write to our superiors about this, positively unacceptable.


G.D.U.               Feb 11 – 4141 (Saturday)

The day has shown us an ugly hand. One of the technicians had died during the work last night. He was stuck in the bay door as it suddenly closed after malfunctioning for hours.

I saw my girl last night again. Her voice is getting louder in my dreams, but still incoherent. She left my side for a short while and came back just before I woke up. I quickly wrote in my sleep journal, she is not going to slip from me again.


G.D.U.               Feb 16 – 4141 (Thursday)

The week has nearly passed. Nothing impressive, thanks to a DUI we did not receive any carrier Tuesday. The Falcon Donkey and Ox came at the same time today. Since bay one was working properly again we had our largest output yet.

C.C.C. Falcon Donkey arrived two days after schedule. 1.000.000 m3 mostly graphite

C.C.C. Ox arrived as scheduled. 1.000.000 m3 mostly graphite too

Personal Note: We need to prevent these bottle necks in the future. It is too large a strain on the crew.


G.D.U.               Feb 21 – 4141 (Tuesday)

It happened again. I am not sure what it is, but one of my crew has gone missing. I had an argument with one of my crew Sunday, he was upset and the walls felt hostile. I sent him to our physician and he was send to bed with a glass of brandy and told to take his mind off work for a few days. This morning the man is missing and we have not seen any sign of activity on the site.

Searching crew has been dispatched, that will allow us to create a little more room in our cargo areas as two of three drills are quiet today.

C.C.C. Fortress Forty-two, arrived on schedule. 874.655 m3 graphite.


G.D.U.               Feb 22 – 4141 (Wednesday)

They found P. Bellows this afternoon. He was trying to crawl into the ventilation shaft behind the kitchens, yelling o minus o is c. He used his recording unit as a weapon and has destroyed any evidence that would tell us why he is acting accordingly. His knuckles are white and he will not let go of the shards remaining.


G.D.U.               Feb 23 – 4141 (Thursday)

  1. Bellows still acting irrational and becoming incoherent. He is currently restrained in the medical bay. It has created as strange mood among the crew. I told them there is nothing strange about cabin fever and that he will recover soon.

On the other hand, all communication beyond the tugboats and Platforms has been met with further delays. It is not uncommon out here, satellite links gone due to moving planets and stars. It will clear later tonight.

C.C.C. Whalers Choice arrived early. Received 799.254 m3 graphite.


G.D.U.               Mar 07 – 4141 (Tuesday)

Link came back up the other day, Command central at Earth one told us that Blue one is off to be repaired. We will be sent a temporary carrier next week.

C.C.C. Seagull arrived as scheduled. Received 802.425 m3 graphite.


G.D.U.               Mar 14 – 4141 (Tuesday)

I have sent Emilie a new message. Missing her dearly these days and the lack of weather and season are getting slightly on my nerves. I have administered some wall projections of springtime on Earth One to help the morale. No one is talking about it, so I guess it is working… no news is good news anyway. I feel spirited and I can see at the corner of my eye that people are smiling slightly when they survey the recordings.

C.C.C. Pointless Remark arrived as scheduled. Received 825.677 m3 graphite.


G.D.U.               Mar 15 – 4141 (Wednesday)

Sleepless night again. They are slowly coming back after the third blitz in Borrux 42q12, as soon as I fall asleep I am dreaming of the long nights staring at the empty space, waiting for the fleets to appear. We were sitting ducks out there, I still don’t quite believe we survived by looking like wreckage. It was a brilliant idea, although so many things could have gone wrong in that maneuver. Hiding between my dead wingmen with a fraction of the crew… I can still hear their cries. I reach out for them and they vanish like smoke… not even my girl is beside me tonight. I am worried.


G.D.U.               Mar 16 – 4141 (Thursday)

  1. Bellows are dead. He ate the remaining recorder during a fierce night of screaming and struggling. He tore his restraints and managed to suffocate himself still yelling his nonsense.

We are holding a ceremony for him and sending him into space, although I fear one of the tugboat drones just collect him and send him back. This morbid tennis could become amusing for the staff, but I will not lose face towards them. I do not believe they trust me completely yet.

The Falcon Donkey sent us the message that there might be some irregularities in arrival for the carriers. There are some new digging sites and they are being shipped in several directions from now on. We ought to make the most out of those we get.

C.C.C. Falcon Donkey arrives on schedule.

Personal Note: Funny how one incident in February has made us ignorant of arrival times? Two times a week and yet I missed some here in March. How fickle the mind is!


G.D.U.               Mar 17 – 4141 (Friday)

We are missing a drill? HOW CAN WE LOSE A DRILL? It is nearly half a mile long?

Maintenance on the other two is going well, there have not been too much enhanced surface and it left our drills in better condition than expected.

Drill dropped out of its mouthing during the night apparently. It is a couple of miles down, embedded in the rock and beyond repair.

When recordings are done I will strangle someone… let us just hope it is the guilty person!


G.D.U.               Mar 18 – 4141 (Saturday)

We are drilling today since we used yesterday to pull out the third drill so it didn’t damage the other two as they continue their work.

New drill ordered, costs the company over 26 million I1-Credit. They are livid and a supervisor is coming to inspect the accident. We can only show him surveillance and the remaining drill in several pieces… good luck with that.


G.D.U.               Mar 21 – 4141 (Tuesday)

Emilie sent a message today. She says it is warm for a spring day. She looks tired and concerned. She wants to know when I come home. I wish I knew myself. I wanted to go back to the front when this is done, I am just not sure anymore. I need to go home first anyway.

C.C.C. Ox arrived on schedule, maxed capacity at 1.200.000 m3 graphite.

Personal Note: The crew onboard might eat rock since we shoved so much inside it might have filled the kitchen. What an amusing thought… they will still eat better than us though.


G.D.U.               Apr 08 – 4141 (Saturday)

Fortress Forty-two delayed at another place again, we are tired of their tomfoolery. They have had the audacity to send a construction crew to build two additional cargo bays and given us the bleak promise that they will improve their schedules so we weren’t forgotten entirely.

Personal Note: I am not sure what they expect, but we are working for them and not the other way around. What is so important that they will leave us days at a time without communication or carriers?


G.D.U.               Apr 11 – 4141 (Tuesday)

I sent Emilie a message today. I have wrecked my brain to get this right. I even made a manuscript so not to forget anything. Days are worming themselves along. This place seems to get under your skin sometimes. Luckily we had so much worked today that we hardly had time to speculate on our inevitable demise.

C.C.C. Fortress Forty-two finally arrives with backup. Filled to the brim, 1.2m graphite

C.C.C. Whalers Choice, additional arrival. Maximum capacity 1.2m graphite

C.C.C. Seagull, additional arrival. Fully loaded 1.2m graphite


G.D.U.               Apr 12 – 4141 (Wednesday)

I overslept this morning. We are so tired after all that loading work into the wee hours of the night. I let the men sleep in for three hours. Maintenance usually goes spotless and we haven’t had any problems lately.

We had a power outage during the early morning, which is the reason our timers had reset; old unreliable technology. Backup generators are being serviced this evening. They have apparently malfunctioned.


G.D.U.               Apr 13 – 4141 (Thursday)

I was woken by my second in command, Timothy or something… I keep forgetting his name, due to extensive lack of interest. He said the reason the generators malfunctioned was because an electrician had used the main power cord as a noose.

Took me a few minutes to understand what he was talking about, but apparently one of the builders for the new cargo bays are dead.

A know this is not the place to write it, but it sends cold shivers down my spine when I remember that my girl sat back down next to me last night in my dream. Why am I thinking of home? Is it the fear talking?

C.C.C. Blue One returned and received 1.094.331 m3 graphite and a coffin.

Personal Note: Let them shoot it into space outside the reach of the drones.


G.D.U.               Apr 14 – 4141 (Friday)

We held a ceremony for the deceased and drank to our health… since he was dead anyway. The crew is subdued, but still managing to do their work.

I talked with a few of them today. Work seems to be the only way they can keep themselves busy long enough for the cabin fever to stay at bay… I hope it will be bay 7 so it won’t appear until they build it the next time around.

Cook made pot-roast today and used a small rope to keep the thing together while cooking. The men didn’t think he was funny and most of the staff went on hunger-strike until he boiled his brain.

It took nearly five hours to calm the situation down. We don’t need the mutinous attitude these days. It is bad enough as it is!

Personal Note: We are low of fowl after the second cook-off and its going to be over a week before stocks are back up. I need to have a talk with the cook and his “humor.”


G.D.U.               Apr 15 – 4141 (Saturday)

Emilie sent me the same recording today. I was a bit confused at first and my request is still pending on the mistake.

The staff is getting ready to receive new drill. Still no sign to who made the mistake. We are looking forward to getting back on three drills. The stations have been crowded since everyone has been desperate to keep themselves occupied. There has been a few arguments and minor brawling between the staff. Some of them are reporting to our physician that they are suffocating. He has set it to be a mental state, since the maintenance crew assured us all that there is no leak anywhere.

We quit early today and went to play ball with Platform 3 and 11.


G.D.U.               Apr 19 – 4141 (Wednesday)

o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. There is no 41!


G.D.U.               Apr 22 – 4141 (Saturday)

I have been stuck at Platform 11 for a week. Came back this morning to see the staff doing what they could without power. Something hit the entire nebula I guess. There has been no contact with anyone or energy the last week. Emergency procedures had been initiated for airflow and essentials. All electronics have suffered some kind of damage and it took us a week to make Platform 11 livable. They are still working on their drills and machines.

Platform 7 has done the same procedure in my and half the crews absence. We have helped restoring the minor issues that kept us from removing re-breathers.

C.C.C. Seagull arrived during the chaos. 1.2m graphite shoved inside as fast as possible. We have received spare parts from their technicians so we could get power going again.

Personal Note: There was no power for the entire week… April 19 is freaking me out. What does it mean? More pressing matter… how and who wrote that? The surveillance was down with everything else!


G.D.U.               May 02 – 4141 (Tuesday)


C.C.C. Every goddamn carrier and ice-cream truck in the vicinity! 7.2m graphite will be sent.


G.D.U.               May 03 – 4141 (Wednesday)

Still loading the last two carriers with graphite and what else we can find in the bins. Stopped two of my crew trying to sneak onboard to get away from the work, reminding them the carrier’s cargo hulls weren’t filled with air. They went back to work and I swore I could hear one of them sob behind me.

This is getting out of hand. We can’t maintain a leveled stream of goods if they keep doing this to us and just after an electric meltdown. Sending the crew to bed… there is enough to keep the next carrier happy if any should come as scheduled tomorrow.


G.D.U.               May 04 – 4141 (Thursday)

Even I can feel the mutiny today. People are downright dangerous to converse with and work couldn’t start quick enough. We are down to under two loads of graphite in the bays and to my utter lack of surprise, there was no pickup.

I had the most glorious dream last night. Emilie was by my side too. It must be a sign of my home sickness. It is getting worse.

Personal Note: If the walls could speak; they would have asked for a transfer home too.


G.D.U.               May 05 – 4141 (Friday)

I was woken by… Timmy or Tibbles… or whatever his name is today. Two of my crew has gone missing during the night. I quickly rounded on the two trying to sneak out and found them safe and sound.

It is two of my drill crew missing so I am generally worried, both for their health and our process. Maintenance is going according to plan, although a little slower. A search crew has been dispatched and vents are being searched.

They didn’t find any of them, but my surveillance officer… (Who knew that was a job?) Informed me that there was something written on the stone half a mile inside the dig site.

We sent down a probe to what was first dismissed as something insignificant and now stood like writing on a parchment. “H4ve 1 been naughty Mother?”


G.D.U.               May 06 – 4141 (Saturday)

It was blood. They reported one of them men smashed against rock nearly two miles down. Somehow it had been written in blood on the ledge and the man had leapt to his death. Since the other one isn’t accounted for in the hole, we must assume it is suicide. How he managed to write that I will never know?

Personal Note: Keep an eye on stew and broth.


G.D.U.               May 11 – 4141 (Thursday)

Irregularities are getting to be as common as communication failure. We lose more and more contact with main command at Earth One. They are not concerned and talk about shifts in management, so we will get better conditions in the future. They are just humoring me… like a pet monkey jumping for the banana.

C.C.C. Falcon Donkey arrived apparently. Filled her up with 1.198.244 m3 graphite.


G.D.U.               May 17 – 4141 (Wednesday)

We have been ignored again, but it has become a common thing. Staff is complaining about issues with sleep. The lack of routine from outside has made it impossible to maintain daily and even weekly routines and it has created a day and night shift. We are still strictly using Earth One time to plan our days, but they are slowly merging together into one long night.

Staff is dropping in productivity and transfer requests are piling up on my desk. I have been ordered from Main Command to keep them there and try to reinstate a daily routine, even if I should have to make a new one.

Personal Note: Let us see how long that works before I get shot in a theatre.


G.D.U.               May 23 – 4141 (Tuesday)

Thank god… well what god that keeps an eye on this nebula, it is Tuesday. We have been in touch with Blue One and they are inbound later today. After tying down an electrician and tackling a drill worker during the weekend, we can look forward to have normal work conditions again.

The staff seems to be relieved with the information and I can’t blame them. I don’t have a direct routine out here and I haven’t been here the tenth of the time they have. No wonder the last officer in charge was replaced.

The isolation is horrifying and the air is slowly starting to feel foul in my nostrils.

C.C.C. Blue One arrived on schedule. Filled with 1.200.000 m3 graphite.


G.D.U.               May 24 – 4141 (Wednesday)

I have instated recordings of weather and scenery back home. It was only a test earlier this year. I have to do something to keep their spirits up. Even I am feeling under the weather and I shall not show weakness or a demoralized condition towards the crew. They will be affected and the thin red line between leadership and anarchy will be broken.

I have been dreaming a lot lately, how I wish I could see them again. Everything is slowly fading out and I have to watch Emilie’s recordings to remember her face. It must be the walls… maybe they are shrinking like Bellow’s whispered about in the long nights.


G.D.U.               May 25 – 4141 (Thursday)

I was alone in my dreams last night. I am truly getting worried about this. I have seen Emilie’s two recordings several times and somehow I can’t put my finger on it… they are not completely identical. Is it a shadow in the data transfer that has toyed with the recording?

I have sent a recording back to Main Command today; I need to have more stability in our deliveries.

C.C.C. Ox arrived a little early. Filled her up 1.2m raw graphite


G.D.U.               May 26 – 4141 (Friday)

Complete chaos this morning, one of our cooks went missing after the notion that one of our food deliveries were delayed a day. He was found two hours later hanging from a banister in a homemade noose made from his bed sheet. We could not save him since he had been dead for over half an hour according to our staff physician.

I threatened the other cooks that I would hurt them if they made anything resembling meat pie or meat stew tonight. We will send the cook out with one of the carriers. Still don’t trust the probes to send it back to us if we shot him out from here.


G.D.U.               May 27 – 4141 (Saturday)

It is a very subdued staff today. We received food as promised, one day later. It couldn’t cover the thoughts of the morbid picture of yesterday.


G.D.U.               Jun 06 – 4141 (Tuesday)

I am slowly getting paranoid myself. It has been over a week without communication with the outside world. The other Platforms have informed us that they don’t have any contact either. My communication officer is working around the clock to bypass our limitations with the few ways of communication. I told him to write in a bottle and go outside. If he throws it straight up it might find someone who cares… he didn’t even crack a tiny smile.

I have talked with the physician today. I swear I saw Emilie at the end of a hallway today and the janitor I ran into when I turned the corner was flattered that I called him Emilie, although he didn’t “bend that way”, my turn not to crack a smile. I could have sworn…

C.C.C. Whalers Choice arrived as scheduled 994.328 m3 graphite.


G.D.U.               Jun 08 – 4141 (Thursday)

It is like my mind has called out, we received recordings today. Main Command is working on a way to stabilize communication, but they can’t drill through large planets to lay down a phone line as they said. I think their spin doctors are drunk or bored.

Emilie’s recording came through too. She looks tired although it should be summer back home. The recording must have been at night, it was dark outside I noticed… didn’t really give me hope or comfort. At least she will visit me in my dreams tonight then.

C.C.C. Seagull arrived on schedule. 1.159.335 m3 graphite.


G.D.U.               Jun 09 – 4141 (Friday)

Disturbing dreams barely registers in this tumultuous frenzy. I am fighting to keep them all calm, since we found three men maimed in a closet this morning. The janitor had found them thrown unceremoniously into his storage, throats ripped and faces in shreds. We are running every single surveillance unit over and over to see who was on their feet during the night.

No one was up. Not even the men were spotted. We can follow them to the point where two of them enter their rooms and nothing on the cameras after that. Not even a vague shadow…

Work has been postponed today while we talk with the crew and try to get the stories straight. We have signaled Main Command for enforcers, but they will be here next year if we are lucky to get any.

Personal Note: More cameras!


G.D.U.               Jun 10 – 4141 (Saturday)

Today Main Command has sent a warning to us. We need to keep every worker on platform. The other platforms have not had any casualties and we are under administration. Since it will be ages… AGES! Before anyone with authority arrives, I am forced to act inquisitorial and stop this genocide.

Personal Note: They didn’t even act like it was accidents anymore… they haven’t been here and they are already connecting it all to one perpetrator.


G.D.U.               Jun 13 – 4141 (Tuesday)

After informing my staff about our situation the subdued mood has turned to blatant hostility. I have been bludgeoned with a plate and attempted stabbing with a fork during lunch. We are having trouble keeping them at bay and it has turned uglier than earlier.

I can barely get them to work anymore and they are trying to force their way into escape pods and hiding in cargo bays with re-breathers.  Fortress Forty-two has been canceled until we get the situation under control, meanwhile food is send down with lines instead of docking.

C.C.C. Fortress Forty-two Cancelled.


G.D.U.               Jun 15 – 4141 (Thursday)

Some of the staff has gone back to work. They have calmed down after their rampage. There are a few fires the Janitor has been allowed to put out without getting jumped and officer staff is not allowed to leave their posts. Doors locked!

We are working slowly in regaining control. My eight-ball says that the future is looking foggy.

C.C.C. Falcon Donkey Cancelled.


G.D.U.               Jun 17 – 4141 (Saturday)

We have arrived at a milestone in our diplomatic work. A face to face meeting with the drilling staff has been established and carried out without any aggression. They are tired and scared.

They demand more security and surveillance, especially during the nights. I suggested sedatives to get them to sleep, but it was more paranoia that brought them to their livid state.

It has been at every single door this evening. I made individual keys with the staff for five hours, I have the overwrite code and they have the only key each. Exhausted I will crawl to bed now… it is nearly morning and I wanted to use this Sunday to gain their confidence.


G.D.U.               Jun 20 – 4141 (Tuesday)

Demons. There are demons walking the surface of the ripper. Platform 11 is silent and no one has heard from them for at least a week. They are sending a ship to see what is going on.

Staff is complaining that they are seeing shadows in the night and the surface is crawling with small demons running just outside their line of sight. Paranoia is spreading rapidly, but at least the belief of outside influence has helped the bond with my staff.

Personal Note: I am sending out a small expedition team to humor my staff. I am sure it is bogus, but it will help my standing with them.

C.C.C. Blue One arrived as scheduled. 1.200.000 m3 graphite and 0 stowaways sent. I counted my staff before they left.


G.D.U.               Jun 24 – 4141 (Saturday)

Dark times. Massive leaks in the cargo hold and implosions have torn Platform 11 apart. The pictures we have been presented was gruesome at best. The way they are hanging suspended leaves us to think they died during a sleep cycle. What caused the holes is unknown. I wonder why their emergency system had not activated. One survivor from Platform 11 was taken out by the scouting expedition and he shot himself on the flight back to platform 10.

Discussions about this and my platform struggling with casualties are the only topics of the officer meetings… I am getting tired of recounting those accidents. I can still see their sunken dead faces when I close my eyes.

Our physician has prescribed me some sleeping pills, which I need these days.


G.D.U.               Jun 28 – 4141 (Wednesday)

Blood on the drill today during maintenance… since we do not miss any of our remaining staff I guess the lost of the two men a few months back has finally been found. He must have been falling for a long time; we have drilled in that area before.

We are sending yet another scouting expedition down to look at the place it has been drilling, but I doubt they will find anything.


G.D.U.               Jun 29 – 4141 (Thursday)

Someone has been writing 1 on my door with blood during the night. The surveillance has caught a shadow walking down the corridor, face concealed obviously. It is tall and moving like a man and since I have not caught the culprit I will not point fingers at anyone. It will just make a bad impression on the staff.

C.C.C. Ox arrived a little early today. We send 1.200.000 m3 graphite and blood samples, three coffins we apparently forgot in all this chaos with it. They will we shot into a nearby star and the blood will be analyzed to determine the origin and or owner.


G.D.U.               Jun 30 – 4141 (Friday)

It was our lost man from months back. Analysis came back around lunch. G. Duan had fallen furthest and ended up miles into the deep. How they ended there we will never know.


G.D.U.               Jul 04 – 4141 (Tuesday)

I woke last night as my girl stood beside my bed juggling six large balls while laughing maniacal. I seem to hear her more clearly now, she is repeating herself over and over, yet the words are still unknown or too incoherent.

Woke up at 4am completely soaked in sweat… sleeping pills couldn’t keep me out of this painful reality.

Haven’t slept since and the day has been one long stupid task of pushing rocks into the ship. We are several men down so I am assisting the loading crew. So tired and I can’t sleep.

C.C.C. Whalers Choice arrived in schedule. Received 1.200.000 m3 graphite and half my body liquid… so tired!


G.D.U.               Jul 05 – 4141 (Wednesday)

I try to stay awake so she can’t speak to me. It is impossible… I nod off every now and then. She follows me around and interrupts my dreams by showing me how good she has become in rolling eyeballs in one hand.

I want the physician to take me out, but he can’t promise me a dreamless sleep.


G.D.U.               Jul 07 – 4141 (Friday)

After two soul draining days it happened again. Surveillance clearly shows someone knocking on a door and stabbed one of my crew as he opened the door. It happened close to midnight. I have re-watched the recording four times, how he forced entrance and vanished from sight.

It has taken me three hours to convince myself to go to the room with a group of officers. He were prepared for a bloodbath, but not prepared for this… blood and no body. We have searched the rooms in the small apartment and the ones beside it, but nothing. He was clearly dragged around the apartment; there is blood everywhere, but not even a toenail?

I have reported to Main Command that we have a serial killer on the platform and they tell me to lockdown each night. Everyone has to be inside their rooms and no one can leave.

Informing the crew gave a small air of calm and it is now in full function. I have sat myself in surveillance tonight before we locked down. I want to see!


G.D.U.               Jul 08 – 4141 (Saturday)

We were made known today that Platform 1 have been abandoned during the week. No one from the place has informed anyone and every single soul there is gone. Escape pods have all been deployed and carriers diverted through the distress signal.

A voice instead of the usual noise is saying “We are empty!” It repeats itself slowly every ten seconds and the sample is shut off after the third repeat. Officers are clearly offended that they have taken that decision without consultation.

Personal Note: If I didn’t obey Main Command like the lapdog I am, it might have been me four months ago!


G.D.U.               Jul 11 – 4141 (Tuesday)

Work is back to normal, if paranoia and suspicion could be called normal. The crew is working, but everyone is looking over his shoulder every three steps. Who can blame them? Even I have been told I look queer at the officers when I think they aren’t looking.

Personal note: My second in command… Tommy does not show any sign of affection or fear. It could be bold righteousness that gives him a feeling of security as officers are better guarded than the rest… I honestly just believe that he is heavily retarded and no one has found out yet. If he is a robot I will be the least surprised!

C.C.C. Blue One returned and took 1.200.000 m3 graphite, leaving us the only platform still performing flawlessly. The rest have shown signs of reluctance in their work and mild hostility towards the carrier crews.


G.D.U.               Jul 13 – 4141 (Thursday)

There is definitely a shadow in the corridors at night. Someone has learned to move in the edges of the surveillance and is only spotted by a foot or an elbow as they try to pry open doors at night. We will set up stunning traps to see if we can get the sucker.

C.C.C. Seagull arrived as scheduled and received 1.001.299 m3 graphite.


G.D.U.               Jul 15 – 4141 (Saturday)

The same morning I found the large bloody number two on the opposite side of the entrance to the surveillance room, I am been told that Platform two and three has left during the last week. Sending out similar messages they have abandoned their platforms, shot pods out during the maintenance time while the drones were being inspected by the tugboats and gone!

It is long time before mutiny has been discussed in my log, but the mood is getting unbearable. Chaotic and loud the commanders in charge have been arguing all morning. No result!

It wasn’t until later this evening we found the third number written on the wall inside the latest dead man’s room. The killer must have his keycard. I have changed the lock and set a stun trap extra myself.


G.D.U.               Jul 18 – 4141 (Tuesday)

No luck with the traps. I have been in contact with Main Command, which has issued that any further attempt to leave our posts without permission will be treated like treason and the whole crew including those left behind will be executed.

This will make people feel obligated to stay and work for the safety of their fellow men.

C.C.C. Fortress Forty-two arrived late today. 1.200.000 m3 graphite loaded and sent. We tried to hire additional crew, but they knew our bloody situation and declined gracefully.


G.D.U.               Jul 19 – 4141 (Wednesday)

Someone has tapped into the sound system and is replaying a screaming man’s voice. The recording is making the crew angry and the search for the source is like a witch hunt. Cables are been followed from the main center and people are crawling the vents and pulling panels off to find the source.

The noise was interrupted abruptly after four hours exactly as a voice said over the speaker “I have done what I was sent to do!” A distant explosion has been heard and the usual scout crew has been dispatched. We were all sitting together in the dining hall waiting new, watching the transmitted live-feed on the screens.

Pandemonium… burning wreckage from gas fires were displayed so vividly we could almost feel the heat through the transmission. Nothing left of Platform 4!

Personal Note: I have requested a complete evacuation of Platform 7 and it has been flat out decline by main command. If further issues happen, I will disobey orders and pull my men out of here within an hour!


G.D.U.               Jul 20 – 4141 (Thursday)

Work is slow today. People are tired, scared and confused. We are working two drills, having a sleep rotation where the men can sleep under guard of the others and full surveillance. It doesn’t know if it would help anything, but some of them seem to get some good sleep out of those few hours they are permitted.

C.C.C. Falcon Donkey arrived today with plenty of room since they had not been filled from the others. We gave them 3.344.154 m3 graphite using the other’s quota and emptied our cargo holds completely.

Personal Note: I have been nodding off all day, she didn’t return in my dreams. Maybe I am slowly feeling safer again?

G.D.U.               Jul 21 – 4141 (Friday)

More blood on the drills… a lot of blood! I knew it was too good to be true. We apparently hit a hole, digging in a certain direction and whatever is down there is wounded or minced completely!

Our scouting crew is sent down with stomach medicine and vomit bags. I could see the fear in their eyes when I issued the order to go back down.

The first couple of pictures had been sent while I nodded off in the surveillance room. I don’t have the stomach for this!


G.D.U.               Jul 22 – 4141 (Saturday)

Corpses… a lot of limbs everywhere the eye can see! We have confirmed that our work overlapped Platform 1 and the result was blood… shitloads of it! All fifteen escape pods were scattered down the large hole leaving dead bodies and severed limbs everywhere as out drill pulled some of them apart. We can’t be sure that everyone is there, but we can account for at least 96 men and women, if we count the pairs of limbs floating everywhere from the four pods broken.

Total lockdown. Chaos is spreading as we send information to the other Platforms and Main Command responds four hours later that we are to make total lockdowns every evening. People are not even allowed to leave their own apartments during the night. No one leaves, equal no apparent risk.

I am personally more interested in my men sleeping all together with both eyes open, but still orders are orders and as Tulips says, “It is the best way to keep everyone separated.”


G.D.U.               Aug 08 – 4141 (Tuesday)

I awoke this morning in the sickbay. I have no idea what happened? Tonga informs me that he has kept control of the situation while I was out. No one saw anything and surveillance has been down for weeks now. I was found in the corridor unconscious, no obvious traumas and the physician thought he was funny by saying that my case of deadness was still pending.

C.C.C. Whalers Choice, cancelled.

Personal note: Is it illegal to punch and doctor if he wears glasses? Two minus must be a plus?


G.D.U.               Aug 09 – 4141 (Wednesday)

Since there have been no working recorders for the last two weeks, I have no idea what has been going on? The staff is being rounded up as I write and I can barely remember the last entry on the log.

Two more missing I see. This is getting more out of hand. Someone is biting the wires in the walls, I want to hunt the psycho down and shoot him, but do I hand out weapons on the Platform, we are all dead within a day.

Personal Note: I have not remembered anything in my unconscious state… maybe I should use a mallet when I want to sleep?


G.D.U.               Aug 10 – 4141 (Thursday)

I need to find them!

As I dreaded, they are both dead as I saw it in my dreams. I went to cargo bay five earlier with some officers. It is hard to act casual when you lead them to corpses with so much confidence in your step.

I saw my girl last night again. She was standing at the door to cargo bay five watching the two missing men struggle over the single re-breather between them as the transfer gate was opened. One suffocated nearly instantly and fell crashing to the ground as she closed the gate. She opened the door and shot the second man through the re-breather mask and out the back of his head.

Personal Note: I am withholding this information for now, since they are impossible and I would be suspected of murder.

C.C.C. Seagull was cancelled due to murder investigation.


G.D.U.               Aug 11 – 4141 (Friday)

I am beginning to fear that I have been taking something on board the ship when I was instated as first officer of Platform 7. It has been tumultuous and confusing, since Emilie stopped sending recordings. Things have changed… or is it me that has changed? I can’t tell anymore what the matter with this place is.


G.D.U.               Aug 12 – 4141 (Saturday)

I need to lock myself inside my quarters. I have notified Turok that I will not see anyone and they must send me my food. They are naturally concerned of course, but I assured them it was for the best… I assured…


G.D.U.               Aug 17 – 4141 (Thursday)

I have had no real contact with the staff the last couple of days. Food has been delivered as promised.

Tina writes that he has continued work and that I may be able to take all the time I need until I am ready to talk about it. They know something is up!


G.D.U.               Aug 22 – 4141 (Tuesday)

I can hear them work; the drilling is rattling my bones. I fear that I will break like a branch in autumn. I don’t feel any sustenance from food or water anymore.

I have started to record nosebleeds… they are getting frequent.


G.D.U.               Aug 23 – 4141 (Wednesday)

Tuna has left me a note again today; three crewmembers from drill two had snuck onboard the Ox and are on their way back to the processing facility. I am not sure what they will face their… not my problem… I have my own! I don’t want to share them.

I had only one nosebleed today.


G.D.U.               Aug 24 – 4141 (Thursday)

Emilie visited me last night in my dreams. I fear the worst. I need to send a message to Main Command.

Main Command refuses to let me talk with anyone beside them. I want to talk to my wife!

They said I was unstable and relieved of my duty… it was strange to hear yourself laugh without feeling you were the one uttering the sound. Such a sarcastic and cruel mirth I portrayed. Never heard that before…

C.C.C. Blue One arrived while I were out, I am not in command anymore so I don’t know how much they sent with it or who they sent along?


G.D.U.               Sep 05 – 4141 (Tuesday)

Days pass and nothing happens. When I dream of Janice it is me holding her hand and not the other way around. She tried to stand up, but I hold her down by my side.

Personal Note: Keep it hidden, keep them safe!


G.D.U.               Sep 06 – 4141 (Wednesday)

Solitude in this room is getting on my nerves. I feel imprisoned here, the same as nine years ago. I can’t get the feeling out of my head that something is watching me from the walls. There have previously not been cameras in this room, but since I am not I command anymore how can I know?


G.D.U.               Sep 08 – 4141 (Friday)

I have been sleeping more, I don’t feel any vitality and I yawn with short intervals. I can’t see any reason there should be any training like that back in 4132. What are they driving at?

Personal Note: Food is getting worse… I didn’t expect you could cook a door handle and make soup?


G.D.U.               Sep 09 – 4141 (Saturday)

I still have her here… she is firmly in my grasp!


G.D.U.               Sep 12 – 4141 (Tuesday)

It has been several days since I have seen anyone. Food is still arranged although the quality is reminding me of entropy. I can’t take this silence much longer; even the drills are not soothing anymore… they sound hollow and taunting.


G.D.U.               Sep 14 – 4141 (Thursday)

Janice? I have to get up sweat-heart. My head is ringing and your breathing is interrupting my sleep!


G.D.U.               Sep 16 – 4141 (Saturday)

We were kids… old kids. How could they treat us like that? Janice… are you still afraid?


G.D.U.               Sep 19 – 4141 (Tuesday)

Sleep eludes me… I feel more awake than two minutes ago. Now I am 10% more awake than the last sentence! I can hear humming from the walls!

Like leeches surfing, the continues humming is consuming… How strange it all feels suddenly. I am lying still with my log and still my room is moving around me. I feel rooted! Food taste like poison today, they might try to drug me so they can flush me out. They did it once before, Almack didn’t survive it and Penniless lost a hand. They will not get me!


G.D.U.               Sep 20 – 4141 (Wednesday)

I hid beside the door for nine hours straight and I have apparently lost consciousness. I have been saving some of the bread and only drinking purified water from my bathroom. They didn’t know I had a bottle stashed in there… or did they? Are they coming while I write this?

I guess not…


G.D.U.               Sep 21 – 4141 (Thursday)

I am slowly losing… can’t really write today, I am so hungry… food poison…


G.D.U.               Sep 22 – 4141 (Friday)

o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. o minus o is c. There is no 41!

There… I wrote it too… can they come and get me too now?


G.D.U.               Sep 23 – 4141 (Saturday)

[Entry deleted] – Manual Overwrite.


G.D.U.               Oct 07 – 4141 (Saturday)

Tabitha woke me up in the infirmary yesterday. I have been out… is it really October? I don’t believe it!

He was talking incoherent like Janice. He stood just in front of me and nothing made sense. I remember my old projector… when I hit it, it sometimes stopped flickering… well he didn’t. I found my log and I will hold on to you with my dear life!

The place is dark and empty. I haven’t seen anyone out after I left Tango in the sickbay.


G.D.U.               Oct 10 – 4141 (Tuesday)

According to clocks, it should be morning here, but I don’t hear or see anyone. I have ventured to the dining hall to get some food, but it is empty.

I went back into my old surveillance room… the smell was unjustifiable. Someone has definitely decomposed in here. I can see that no escape pods are left and all cameras have been turned off. Am I alone with Tubby?

C.C.C. Ox was originally scheduled to arrive, but all contact has been restricted and carriers have been diverted to other projects.

No contact with Main Command had to leave the room… smell overwhelming.


G.D.U.               Oct 11 – 4141 (Wednesday)

Went back to sickbay to talk to officer Tungsten, but he is still sitting where I left him two days ago. At least he isn’t arguing with me anymore.

Food is sparse in the kitchen… at least no one there to poison me!


G.D.U.               Oct 12 – 4141 (Thursday)

I have eaten some old pie… I don’t feel so good today. I am happy we have not introduced pets to this place or rats would have infested it all!

Toilet system is still working… happy to know that, since everything I ate the last two years are being forced out by the speed of sound!

Personal Note: Changed the password to the kitchens, don’t want strangers in there! It is 45120891912121789147

G.D.U.               Oct 13 – 4141 (Friday)

I am feeling weak from food poisoning and I have been sitting in the surveillance room all day looking over footage. I have reactivated the cameras to see if someone is sneaking around, no one has been seen yet though.

I have experienced something interesting. Someone is trying to call me at 8pm, but it is a coded line and I have no idea how to take the call. Tipsy must be the only one with the password and he is angry at me.


G.D.U.               Oct 14 – 4141 (Saturday)

Hurt my hand after hammering the dashboard of the main computer. Went to the sickbay for bandages, Tofu is still angry with me… didn’t even get up when I passed him. So be it you loathsome bastard!

I have worked over the passphrases in the surveillance room for two days now and I am getting nowhere fast!


G.D.U.               Oct 18 – 4141 (Wednesday)

I had given up on finding anything of importance in that stupid room, until I went back to Tool and took his clothes off him. Surprisingly he didn’t object… I need to keep an eye on him; he is acting perverse and suggestive today!

His log had various passwords written down after I got his fingerprint to open it. I think he is flirting with me… all naked and anticipating in that chair. I need to keep him in the sickbay, he needs some help!


G.D.U.               Oct 21 – 4141 (Saturday)

I’m Sorry!

I never expected this! I have been perusing the previous calls to me and Timothy… whoever that is? And this is so wrong!

I need to write a few details down for future reference: I was relieved of duty and the official resignation from the army came august 24th

I am watching footage of shadowy figures moving around corridors at night now? People are being slaughtered left and right! How is that possible, I was locked in my room? I took myself out of the equation!


G.D.U.               Nov 07 – 4141 (Tuesday)

I am lost here. First I wake up in a small white room in torn straight jacket and now I am sitting in the bathroom of Platform 7’s kitchen. I can’t distinguish what is real anymore.

A large man told me to stop screaming while I lay shivering in that tiny room… it was not me screaming! I had nothing to scream about!

I wish my dreams would return to normal… I need you Janice. Can you tell me how Emilie is doing?


G.D.U.               Nov 09 – 4141 (Thursday)

Janice was sitting by me as the two large men came to my little white room in my dream. She is still looking out for me, even if I couldn’t save her!

Food is nearly gone and all communication with Main Command is refused. I have send messages that I was still here and I am hungry! No response yet.


G.D.U.               Nov 11 – 4141 (Saturday)

Janice told me last night that Emilie was fine. She had been a little sick from the flu and was getting better. She was taken to the farm by our friends so she could relax and regain her strength.

Happy to hear that she is improving… I always wondered if she forgave us for what happened to Janice?


G.D.U.               Nov 14 – 4141 (Tuesday)

I have been through the various apartments on the platform… nobody home. Everything is silent as the grave. But who’s grave? Janice rummaged through their supplies and found me some snacks. What a wonderful change in flavor!

C.C.C. In your dreams arrived on schedule and got fuck all we had! No surfing leeches or snooty officers left on this forsaken rock. Just me and my bread! Flour and water… flour and water!


G.D.U.               Nov 16 – 4141 (Thursday)

I found something a little confusing today. Emilie send me a recording all of a sudden? Her smile reminds me of our summer vacations. She has not smiled like that for years. Is she finally coping?

Maybe the farm air is doing her some good!


G.D.U.               Nov 18 – 4141 (Saturday)

The same recording was sent today! She is still smiling broadly to me and talking about the same feelings as two days ago… the only thing is that the green color is taken out. Bad recording I guess.

Her half grayish smile doesn’t seem that warm the second time. She has not forgotten what happened!


G.D.U.               Nov 21 – 4141 (Tuesday)

Messages are coming in over and over; I have stopped looking at them. Someone is messing with my head and they are not allowed to win.

Janice has made me a necklace to ward off the evil spirits trying to invade my mind. It feels a little heavy as the keychain dangle cold from my neck with the large mans lower jaw as the centerpiece. Somehow I feel safer… because she made it for me.

She isn’t disturbed about the messages, she believe that Emilie has forgiven me. It was part of the training and she understands what had to be done… Janice is trying to convince me Emilie see’s it that way too, but I am not convinced yet.


G.D.U.               Nov 22 – 4141 (Wednesday)

Evil spirits are attacking me. I have locked down the Platform and locked the door in the white room. Janice said she would keep watch for me and tell me when the coast is clear! Waiting for instructions!


G.D.U.               Nov 23 – 4141 (Thursday)

My mind has been breached! They are coming to get me. They want the password to the kitchen. MY BREAD!

No one had changed the combination to the gun storage; Tootles had the last password on his log. I have armed myself and if they want to steal my brain, they have to scoop it off the wall!


G.D.U.               Nov 24 – 4141 (Friday)

Janice calmed me down. I am not dead yet, I can dance and I can sing! Although I never learned the Highland fling? We warded off the evil spirits together, one by one. She found a special rifle in the storage that could harm spirits and we defeated them all. Even the large man disguised as a police officer that kicked down the door to my white sanctuary has been conquered. Janice told me that I could hide inside him, if I took his skin. We could leave the place in his image.


G.D.U.               Nov 25 – 4141 (Saturday)

I got out of the strange place in my dream. It felt like a long walk. We waited until night and walked downstairs and out the front door. No one tried to stop us. They made a path clear and I can finally smell the fresh air. How easy they are fooled…

When I woke up I sat in the surveillance room again, it is making sense now. I needed Janice for this. Just like the other times I was in war, I needed this bond to survive the slaughter.

She is the best scout I have ever had… I love you Janice!


G.D.U.               Dec 05 – 4141 (Tuesday)

The spirits had a scout craft at the third bay. I need to get to it. It is not too late to get off this place. I need to tell someone that we are still alive out here. We need someone to take a look at this mess. Where are the law enforcers when you need them?

C.C.C. Unicorn farts rainbows were cancelled today due to unforeseen circumstances.

Personal Note: Spirit bullets work on flatulent horses too!


G.D.U.               Dec 07 – 4141 (Thursday)

In my dreams I stood in the street by the police vehicle. There was no one there? I thought they usually came in pairs. I told central station that it was a bogus run and set out to meet Emilie at the farm. It shouldn’t take more than a few days on the open road.

I woke up in the kitchen bathroom again. Pants down and apparently passed out during a tricky shit. Janice had saved some food for me, but I had to eat it quickly since it couldn’t stay fresh for too long. She said that spirit meat would help me understand how they thought, so I could prevent them from entering my head that easily.


G.D.U.               Dec 08 – 4141 (Friday)

Janice told me that I could try to connect with a spirit like they had forced me to do with her. The emotional bond they made nine years ago to her and how they slit her throat right in front of me and bathe me in her blood while beating me unconscious.

I have tried to wound spirits, but they are easier to kill than wound apparently. Work in progress I guess.


G.D.U.               Dec 09 – 4141 (Saturday)

I haven’t had any luck yet and eating their meat doesn’t help me. I have no idea what they are doing… those insane creatures are flocking around bay 3 like bees. Took me hours to lure a few away, they sting like hell when they get too close.


G.D.U.               Dec 12 – 4141 (Tuesday)

I have fortified myself in the sickbay after they advanced on me. Lost a lot of blood and is getting hungry again. I need another food source. Todd doesn’t taste like the spirits…


G.D.U.               Dec 14 – 4141 (Thursday)

I have made a run for the kitchen with the things I could use from the sickbay. I don’t think thunder-buns need them anymore. He refuses to comment on my reasoning and watched silently as it left the room. Odd fellow.


G.D.U.               Dec 16 – 4141 (Saturday)

Janice had been absent in the sickbay, she doesn’t like Turtle, he disapproves of women onboard.

She was making bread in the kitchen when I met her. It smell great in there… the oven had heated the room and she was humming an old maiden tune Emilie taught her.

It reminded me of them both standing in the kitchen back home, before the wars began. I still remember my enlistment. Soldiers aren’t what they use to be… they are more prepared and resolute on both sides. I never flinched during my career and Janice had always been beside me in sick and in health.

Tonight I eat like kings; the next time I feast is in Hell!


G.D.U.               Dec 19 – 4141 (Tuesday)

I am hidden in the cupboard at the janitors’ closet near bay 3. There aren’t many spirits left. I will purge the ripper for their presence tonight.


G.D.U.               Dec 20 – 4141 (Wednesday)

[Entry deleted] – Manual Overwrite.


G.D.U.               Dec 21 – 4141 (Thursday)

I am at the sickbay again. I don’t feel so well. The dream last night disturbed me a little.

I reached Emilie at the farm… she hit me with a shovel when I wanted to hug her. When I came too she was shoveling dirt ten feet above me… I’m Sorry? I’m Sorry!


G.D.U.               Dec 23 – 4141 (Saturday) Debriefing:

This log has been taken into custody by Fifth squad, sweeper crew.

Alistair Cartwright, 58. Previous senior officer at G.C. Taurus II and Commanding officer of drilling operation Platform 7 has been found dead in the sickbay.

The log will be handed over to investigators on Temp Earth Two, Industrial Law Enforcement.

Investigations upon death of his daughter, mentions several times in the log will also be performed. Since records of wife and life on Earth One are gone Aug 24th we cannot conclude anything at this point.

Sleep Journal added to evidence box, please use for reference.

Happy Christmas.

GP by GP – Unrequited Love

GP by GP – Unrequited Love

With this new theme based system I am going to write the group themed stories under this wonderful new semi acronym.

So where would a man be if he had not loved and lost and loved again? Here mostly, but he could be in Greece too. I have never been there and care only for their food and spirits.

Let me see… this is a tough subject for such an amateur lover as myself. I have of course had women in my life and age range that I desired. They were clearly out of my reach and me being so self-conscious of my faults. I might never have shown passion to anyone or really flirted to be honest, I always end quickly in the friend zone, because I know they need someone to talk too when they are heartbroken over the “jerk” boyfriend or at one time, cheating girlfriend. Never saw her as a lesbian, but I didn’t really know her from other than high school.

Now I think more than you probably do, that there is no real story to tell here. That is where everyone is wrong about everything ever known… you jerks! I hate everything now because you made everything look cool and now it is hip to have everything. I don’t want everything anymore… you can have it… except my things. They are mine! So nuts to you and the mount you’re riding on!

I could tell a story; how a celebrity would never love me as much as I potentially could masturbate to her pictures. Or tell a heart tearing story about my fears of publicly opening up and telling who I really am. Instead… and as usual for me it is an instead where none should be, I will become abstract and push the interpretation of the theme to suit my mood at this very moment best.

Okay, here we go.

Conditions: Warm, Tired, Fed, Recently been on toilet, Long day at work, Still has cola in the fridge and a noodle cup for be’fed. If brunch is before lunch, be’fed is before bed… the ‘ is to make it sound better… I failed in that though.


Now let us step into the world of bacon. A simple mans request and the nectar of gods. Bacon has been a love in my life that has not benefitted me. This tasty treat has manipulated my mind and made me believe that I am happy when I consume it. It will turn its ugly back on me and poison my body and dull my senses. Like chocolate this gastronomical treason has me to believe that adding it to various meals will improve my likeness for new and inspiring food with that slight smoky taste of something that has burned just enough. Like real smoke it slows the mind and in plain sight it is acting like it is invisible.

The years of camouflaging itself in plain sight, I have become content with its presence and it has shown me love that I seldom find in other food sorts. It has exchanged passionate words with my tongue and slid sensually down my throat like… [Insert naughty pun here]. There has been no restrains between us. I have given this cruel mistress my heart and it is holding it hostage like a dominatrix. Never truly letting me go, my yearning for this guilty pleasure surpasses my common sense. I want more… I want it both in private and in plain sight. It has become a small obsession with me and a table without guilty pleasures seems naked and wasted potential for me.

I can’t say that I truly weep if there is none. Like a drug I can see that it is hurting me more than I care to admit and yet it never truly loves me. Dead and disdainful this taunting tenderized trifle has taken me whole. I can only throw myself at its mercy and never receive the approving smile or nod I so desperately need in this fake relationship. It never loved me… it couldn’t love me… not a person who fought so little before giving in… so vague an adversary… so deep a trance.

There is not a single person who could tell you that bacon isn’t food for thought. It is good for your head and not the body. Yet it is my body that needs all the help it can get. If it was strong enough to one day win over my head, I would maybe be another man… another being… a happier being?

I have listed various things throughout this page and yet I must insist on telling you that I am not a large man. I am definitely not skinny… but fat… no. Crafty is even a term that is over my level. That might be why people don’t recognize me as anything but a friendly soul to talk too. By losing a visual definition I lose a reference point in the grey meat market, bland… average… but with bacon I am someone… A slave… A willful slave of gastronomical punishment. A Pork Slab Demon!

Everything is awry as usual – Entropy isn’t what it use to be…

Everything is awry as usual – Entropy isn’t what it use to be…

Ha ha ha… funny funny, clap clap… scattered arm farts and unenthusiastic applause for the spastic on stage. That joke is old and buried, but used over and over to display a front of scholarship… then genius, tell me what entropy is in twelve words or less!

EntropyEntropy is the measure of how much I care in most conversations. It always starts with high hopes and ends in me either running to be home behind locked doors or simply staring blankly at the person while I think about happy places… like home behind a locked door.

Tonight was the subject of the genre which defines itself upon one gimmick, and on that stagnates for a while and then deteriorate slowly until it becomes embarrassing. Some people realize that they are getting in a rut and become self-aware that they are whining and slightly pathetic in the desperation to cling onto what they know. Others just disable comments on YouTube. My autocorrect just told me to write the name with a capital Y and T… I am not amused you utterly inconsistent piece of complicated programming. But I digress again and am thinking at the moment of swearing just to get myself back on course… no such thing, please.

The subject… yes… here lies the dead animal in all its glory. I have a tendency to watch several internet celebrities for news and entertainment.  Let me rephrase that… I have a tendency to watch internet celebrities in the hope of entertainment and not too obsolete news that I missed.

There are several subjects out in the world that will tell everything you about their lives and their interests and to an extremely small extend I watch them for their so-called gimmicks, which are often computer and console games and news about music and movies.

If you find this blatant exposure of my interest strange, please go read the post (A dangerous sociopath to go down…) it will explain how I think of this and why I distance myself from the concept.. and at the same time am drawn towards it. I sometimes think about interacting with the people because it is possible, but always drops the notion due to extreme lack of interest in the action when I actually think about it. A whim come and goes… lazy perhaps… I don’t give a shit to be honest.

This is where the cancan dancers come in. I don’t care… and with so much to see on the internet, things to read, watch and listen too… I can get catered too in nearly any way I want too anyway without the hassle of interaction. “Fans do not know what they want” as a wise man once said. That is completely true and with any interaction on my part I will delude myself with the idea that I tainted something when it eventually goes downhill.

Back to the internet celebrity stuff… I watch several shows and keep track on some that haven’t cut my interest cord just yet… if you know what I mean. I will not name anyone here and neither will I make an attempt at a witch hunt. My feelings and observations are purely based on my own experience and free will, to the extent of what is humanly possible to conceive in this open ended MMORPG with good graphics and lousy admins.

Heroes fall. Everything I have seen up till now; every iteration has gone from new, exciting and hilarious to stagnation, one dimensional and sometimes whiny comedy. People got “famous” on a certain gimmick and lack the knowledge to develop this golden flake and it becomes old quickly. Others have a tendency to change it to something that resembles a dead horse with whip marks… personally I wish they would shut down and reinvent themselves. The game industry gives us new games and often I watch a ‘play-through’ video while I play something else, due to my interest in the construction and narrative of set games. Some say it is the lazy mans entertainment, but I simply don’t have millions of dollars or hours to buy and play everything.

“But then you can buy the few games you want to play and study…” Shut up and lie down before you hurt yourself. Limitation due to principles with no root in reality or availability is just pissing me off. I am not pulling that one out of my most forbidden place. That was actually a comment that struck me, like I afterwards wish I had struck that person verbally. Surprised and fuming I refused to lower myself to that level of blinded logic… I would have been beaten by years of experience.

If I am able to see what I want because someone offers it to me freely, I will do so. If they hide it behind a pay wall I will complain that the money for the product is going to the wrong people and hence I will buy it myself. Again with the wide amount of things around me, I refuse to think that I will ever get half of it before I cease to be. It is moving too fast man!

How can I digress so much… sometimes I want someone to stop me, but I am writing this back at home behind a locked door… so nuts!

People… yes, there we are… we hate them and such. Wrong. I don’t dislike people for being one dimensional. I hate myself for demanding so much of everything I do and touch suddenly. When I see someone giving a review I see a person using a lot of time and effort to represent his or her view on a subject and find myself asking why I should solely listen to this person’s personal opinion on the matter… and it strikes me. Go buy the stupid shit and experience it yourself… dumbass. Why can’t I get my own opinion of something… why shouldn’t I distrust the people who are biased towards a genre and a style of interaction?

Like a book or a story, I demand development. Deep inside my greedy little mind I honestly demand the sense of a person developing like a story. Imagine that a person reviewing a game could, in a way, be seen as a warrior fighting battles. With each game he or she becomes battle worn and for that becomes smarter when it comes to mundane game-play, more ironic or cynical towards things that are a waste of time.

There are so few people who can do that and create a persona that feels dynamic, instead of a workday façade that looks like “paid work in the face.”

These façades are kept because they worked once, and it becomes a way for them to distance their private life from their “work” which psychologically is a good thing for them. Many actors have gone slightly crazy because they become too many personas or let people get too close to them. If you don’t define who you are, then you can’t find your hat!

The problem lies in the façade itself. What once was is no longer it. If there is no development in the work persona, then people with so many things around them will find new things to entertain themselves. This is where the hill comes in and the dancers didn’t see it coming. “I AM FUNNY DAMNIT!” is not the way to start descending. Everyone knows to a small extend the rule 451 of the internet.

( 451. You aren’t misunderstood, you’re just not funny.)

Taking that into account, people fighting to declare they are still funny or relevant do not understand the speed of the internet. Keeping something fresh and new is hard and nearly impossible to do by yourself. You need honest people around you to tell when it becomes bad enough for reinvention. Seeing the same joke every day with a new colored curtain in the background is just not cutting it for people anymore. With the speed of internet we demand instant entertainment and gratification. If you can’t provide it… there is millions who stand in line, dreaming of the commercial money from… sorry autocorrect… or similar popular websites. Now that Patreon is becoming a hit or somewhat a household name, we see people wishing to be crowd funded… a flimsy and dangerous idea hoping to drop their eggs in such a basket, but on the other side… now they have to stay interesting and alert because their funding depends on it. Nice way to get yourself locked in room with coin tossing sociopaths geniuses… hope you have a skateboard and a groin loving banister.

So should they or I wake up and smell the roses? Since I don’t interact with them… I can only change my own fate or faith if I prefer. I should wake up… what is it I want? I have seen some people literally close down and completely change their concepts because they have self-realization. Isn’t that good enough? Of course not. If I can’t save the world, why save a fraction of it? I am a idiot… If they can’t make everyone happy I can’t be happy about a thing. If it is hilarious I laugh and afterwards I stupidly enough read the comments on the matter and force myself to see it from other perspectives. Often they are cynical and cruel, which trolls always are… why am I falling for this everytime?

Why are my happiness defined on other’s comments? Now that is embarrassing to admit!

All I want is for me to find something that I like, but if it isn’t liked… then what?

This is where my life philosophy formed. Not here and now, but when that realization ran through me years ago. I am here to entertain myself. Not the person next to me. Not the woman with horsy laughter and every party. Not even my friends. I can entertain them if they find what I entertain myself with entertaining. Often it is… strangely enough and they have started to expect me to be random. Am I random for their sake?

Isn’t being random grasping for anything in and out of reach?

Am I getting to a point where picking up small scraps here and there isn’t enough for me anymore?

I want something to develop and grow. Consistency and coherence. Something I feel is disappearing from me… more and more…

Going through a lot of books and series has given me a feeling that with the casual entertainment I get from especially the internet, I suddenly desire the same in them. Is that growth in my taste or a developing boredom with all this razzle dazzle the kids wants nowadays… OH MY STARS, I AM GETTING OLD!

I see it clearly now… through the cataract… snicker… I am starting to understand my parents and theirs. Things aren’t moving too fast for them or me… we just don’t care. We don’t stop learning or search for the higher purpose. We just grow selective and intolerant. Through life experience they and now my generation have learned to see what will grow into something useful or remain a random string for kittens to struggle with until they one day grow up.

Now at last I have two things to add in this apocalypse of mental construction: Did this incoherence teach you anything?… and get off my lawn you good for nothing kids before I throw my dentures at you!

PS: People… please get your shit together. Go watch your own show with your friends or alone in a dark room. If it feels weird, then you are probably not the only one thinking it that way. There is room for everyone and creativity at the same time, but far between it… you might have to think a little about that statement.

Everything is awry as usual – Nothing new under that sun

Everything is awry as usual – Nothing new under that sun

I am trying to tell myself something and I slowly understand what it is… or at least I know that it is in a readable and or audible language. Have you ever felt like your own thoughts were impossible to put into words or simply being incapable to put words on something you already have a deeper understanding off?

Tonight’s subject is far from new, but it is still close to my heart… or my day if anything… I will put in a translation of each line as my art form of tonight is limericks.

I mean art form in the broadest term as can possibly be measured, but hey… we are all having fun here, why bicker?

A little introduction to the shaping of this hullabaloe. My plan was to find a way to turn anger into fun through context instead of content.

Without further ado! 4 verses and a bow:

I now share this righteous oration __________ I will tell you about my virtuous story
Of trivial and narquois occasion _____________ It is a mocking tale we heard before
It tears me asunder _______________________ It touches me deeply
Repeating a blunder ________________________ That I didn’t learn anything by it
I show you this crude indignation _______________ A poorly unjust presentation

Strained by this juxtaposition ______________ Torn between these feelings are tiresome
Inclined for a predisposition _________________ For all that I’ve done I can say this
I mean them all well ________________________ I don’t mind them as people
As they ride off to hell ________________________ But their work ethics are rotten to the core
I even pay price of admission ____________________ Even I am not above schadenfreude

I have no right feeling irate _________________ Not my place to be angry
Berating is not for debate ____________________ Not the place to talk about other people
Room for demology __________________________ We should use our time to study each other
Or dendrochronology __________________________ I will learn more studying the age of a tree
I promise my tongue is abate _____________________ I think I have reached the thin red line

A alamort state of alate _____________________ Feeling half dead of late
My thoughts me now asphyxiate _______________ These thoughts suffocate me
I yell Jactitation _____________________________ I want just want them to wake up and work
A realization _________________________________ But I finally come to the conclusion
Pursue one before it is too late ____ Seek elsewhere when innovation and management stagnates


Everything is awry as usual – I think I disappointed myself

Everything is awry as usual – I think I disappointed myself

It has been a while since I did the last post, moving along quickly. I have been a lazy bastard not forcing in the 25th hour in my busy schedule to make up some in-depth cock’n bull about my feelings and/or my observations upon life itself in its many turns and twists… oh god somebody please stop this sente…

Tonight I will bring back some recent memories about my vacation to London and the great ups and downs of this magnificent trip, because it was in itself a great experience, but I didn’t like London.

Well that was rather harsh to say, since the metropolis itself was grand and had many unique experiences for me. Yet I was continuously growing more and more disappointed at the landmarks and tourist attractions around the overwhelming city. Somehow I had seen Big Ben and the Tower Bridge and The large church and the Buckkers Bunker or Buckingham Palace just to make sure that everyone understands my predicament, in so many variations, sizes and colours. Buckingham Palace is TOO square! Something about the construction is off and I came to the conclusion that it was far to Square to be proper baroque.

We were around the gargantuan capital for an entire week, we took the DLC from Greenwich where we lived to Bank or the jubilee line or the central line etc. to wherever we wanted to go. We chose to walk around the city and use the underground to get near the things we wanted to see. The funny thing was that it was actually the railway system that excited me the most. The coordination and the fluent integration into the daily lives of so many people was the thing that excited me the most. The Thames and the eye was nice to ride, but something about 3 hours in line to look at something you have seen on Google maps just didn’t cut it and for that my vacation turned into a strange experience.

I can’t say that I became bewitched by the British lifestyle… oh god… there was no full wheat bread… you maniacs. Black bread daily or I’ll die. None the less I have dabbed a lot in the culture and news of the British over the last couple of years, especially comedy and series have caught my attention and to become a small part of that new culture… well it didn’t differ that much from my own, but seeing the places, common places that I could mentally relate too was exciting in itself.

The daily life in Greenwich or Green’ich as everyone pronounced it was funny to watch. The life in the outer corners of London where industry never closed down completely or shops never shut over the summer because the owner wanted to go back to Timbachtoo or whatever was quaint and pleasant for me. For our amusement the inner London was teaming with tourists, or half of China had immigrated whichever is the real reason… We watched people gawk at the large blue chicken or tackle a wax statue at the museum. For me that was like a long trip in a zoo. I know it is not nice to say to anyone, but acting local and watch how the tourists from all around the world treated the attractions while watching the real “Londoneers” gallop ten feet behind them to make sure they didn’t break anything was amusing… I was amused.

It was equally annoying and funny to watch the Waitrose personal run after us acting casual when my parents talked Danish to us in the supermarket. Beyond paranoid they kept guards or other personal close to us every time we came to that place and we came at least once a day. We never acted up or talked loud or acted rude, but the language barrier was enough to make them uneasy… or maybe it was my wild beard that drove them off their rockers? Who knows… who cares?

The trip itself was a small breakthrough for me if we should jump around it a little more. The beginning which in this small anecdote is closer to the end was a first time flying for me. I have never been in an airplane and had no idea about the feeling when you took off, landed or hit air holes which we called them. I had not been in an airport before and was pleasantly surprised about the entire ordeal. We had paid a little extra for the trip to make sure that the first time was a good ride and not to bore you with boring details, it was a nice experience that I look forward to do again under similar circumstances. Again here I was thrilled at the coordination and professionalism in both countries. From getting to the airport and through it, into the plane where every trip was well executed was a joy that my little perfectly squared heart could hardly contain.

Finding the underground and learning to use it in London took us no time. We had studied a little before we took off and it pretty much worked as intended. This is where the core aspect of it all comes into play.

It worked! Our planning and our timing worked! It felt like work for me. I would take part in planning our trips the next day and making it work with trains, timing and hitting the shops and attractions at the right time to get there without being drowned by other tourists felt like work… and it was satisfying. We came to experience London as we imagined it. We didn’t want it staged or walk around with an orchestra depicting the right tune for the current mood the location set. We wanted a little of the tourism and mostly a taste of the real life in a foreign place we so often saw on TV or the internet.

British people would if they haven’t already scoffed at this and I can only wish they turned it around and thought about it as Hong Kong for them. It is foreign, it has a different language although I can’t sound too smuck if I stated that I controlled it. Dialects are the devils work… just adding that in! Yet think of your daily place as something new and… exciting… well… different for someone who only seen it on the tellie! I grew up with Monty Python as a kid and they created an ambivalent Britain, yet a desirable Britain for someone outside the Islands.

It was a kid’s dream to experience that place, but not the landmarks. It was the daily clockwork that oiled my gears. I like London although it is paranoid. Greenwich has a larger university culture than London and different people are more tolerated there than in central London. Is that because you are tired of the tourists or is it immigrants? I have seen enough news to know that we are far from the only country with issues although Mock the Week can put it in a more ‘bright blue’ perspective… on that note… Frankie Boyle leaving Mock the Week was the worst thing they could have done. I like the show although I do take the news there with a grain of salt, but hearing him molest every other sentence was like a birthday treat for me… damn I miss people who could be funny, rude and obnoxious without crossing the fine red line.

So thumbs up London. You are better as you are, rather than trying to be what tourists want you to be.