I Don’t Believe: Just adopt…

I Don’t Believe: Just adopt…

Have you ever seen this on your facebook wall? Probably not, but if you are one of those unfortunate souls who is infertile, or for some reason cannot conceive naturally, you will recognize this. Well-meant advice but I wonder if these well-meant comments come from people with big bank accounts or with no clue. I somehow suspect it will be the latter.

Adoption and why you should really think twice before telling someone to “Just adopt”. That is what I will be writing about this month, a month with as theme “I don’t believe”.

Apart from the gruelling psychological testing and the scrutiny about the finish of your house, the amount of time you spend in work and how financially stable you are, there also is a big financial aspect.

Let me quote from www.internationaladoptionguide.co.uk:

“The major costs are outlined below:

The Home Study is now costing between £4000 – £9000 depending which adoption agencies you use for your assessment

The Department of Education charges £1775  for your Certificate of Eligiblity.

Facilitation in your country of adoption from £1000 – £10000 depending where you adopt from

Sundry fees for translations/court fees etc in the region of £2000.

The visa to bring your child home in the region of £1000.

These figures do not include travel and accommodation and other expenses. “

So at the lowest end of the estimate it is just under £10000. Now I don’t know about you but for me that is a hell of a lot of money. It basically drew a line over my dreams of adopting. There is  no way we can afford this when we hardly make ends meet most months and often need help from my parents just to pay all our bills.

Luckily the site has some more advice:

“When you are calculating the cost of your adoption, please bear in mind that what may feel expensive now, will soon be forgotten, and the financial aspect should not deter you from adopting. There are many ways to raise money and your friends and family, church and wider community will support you on your journey. And not all monies will be payable at the same time so you will be able to spread the costs. And little adjustments can be made in your daily budget, just not buying a coffee in the morning will save you over £40 a month – enough to buy you support and guidance with our retainer Guide Service, or a day support in-country.”

I am so glad that they told me that not buying a coffee in the morning will save money. Newsflash: I don’t buy coffee in the morning, I don’t buy coffee full stop. Not because I don’t like coffee but because we can afford that kind of luxuries. Last time I ate at a restaurant was months ago and if it wasn’t a class reunion I would not have been in a restaurant then either. Just for once I would like to show people how we are careful with our money. We don’t go out, I haven’t seen the inside of a hairdresser’s in over a year, my clothes are hand me downs, all my bathroom products are from the shops own budget brand and we eat vegetables from my dad’s garden so we don’t need to spend that money in the shops either. I am an Android developer with an ancient budget friendly phone and my boyfriend has my old hand me down which now has a broken screen.

I know there is always room for more savings, we could get rid of our tv subscription, be vegetarian, stop going on visits to family abroad but really what is left then.

I don’t believe anymore, I don’t believe I will ever be a mother and I don’t believe anyone will ever realize how much we stretch to make ends meet.