GP by GP – My Name is Eddie Humbert, This is a Day in My Life

GP by GP – My Name is Eddie Humbert, This is a Day in My Life

Sometimes a story can be exciting even if you only know half of it. It is like listening to a phone conversation between strangers on the platform or in the street. I sometimes amuse myself thinking what the other person says, that would make this person near me, react or respond in such manner.

My name is Eddie Humbert, my lord and I’m here to represent my participation and the majority of involvement in creation of the infinite improbability drive.

I am so pleased that you have time for me so early and I will be quick about the representation. First of all I would point out that it is deeply frowned upon by the academic society that all credit goes to that little brat… I mean the student of which we are debating. Credit and rights to the project according to patent laws should go to everyone involved in the project. What do I get? A Herring…

No lord it is not due to the splendid parties held that I am commenting on this situation. I just want to get the facts straight and get the acclaim I am destined to get.

Yes lord, I do believe that destiny has somewhat an effect on the progression of motivation and front-wheel drive. None the less I will request the honor in-stored for me for making the calculations for finite improbability and basically create the generator by wiring the logic circuits of a Bambleweeny 57 Sub-Meson Brain to an atomic vector plotter suspended in a strong Brownian motion producer.

No my lord, I can’t say that three times in a row.

I beg your pardon, but I do not see the outcome of an attempt to repeat myself thrice ought to have any effect on the matter at all. I will on the other hand show you the twenty-nine books I wrote to explain and prove the finite improbability and how to use it for intergalactic travel.

Yes my lord I do expect you to read it through and with that prove that I am a victim of theft and the majority of the renown should be mine.

I am sorry lord, what do you want me to do? That is intolerable! I will certainly not stick even one book up my behind for any reason whatsoever!

Yes… I am sorry, you were just joking I see. Please forgive my outburst then. Getting back to the matter of fact, we have proof that the effect of the Infinite improbability drive has some dire and utterly random effects on the universe. This student had no idea when he stumbled upon the only solution, what effects it could have on the universe and our careful account of the population of sperm whales.

No lord I do not say that the improbability of effects could be estimated if it was discovered by someone else, but I will point out that had the illusion of time been different, we might not have had to go to Vogsphere to update The Whale logs.

I know that something else could have happened lord, but that student could not have foreseen the consequences he has put us through. Still with the usage of this drive, we are changing everything and when can we say it is no longer for the better?

No lord, I do not have pies in my briefcase. I do apologize if it is taking up your lunchtime, but my digital watch is broken.

I know I am sounding mean my lord, but time is the essence here if we are going to get this done.

I don’t know what time is for you, but if you calculate that it is lunchtime I must admit that I am using a lot of your time and is going to pick up my pace.

No lord, I do not carry a mace nor did I threaten you. Please look in the appendix of the first book and you will see that it has been written and edited by me. I do thereby…

How can that even be possible, it is machine written? I can’t write that well with a pen.

No my lord I have not edited the real author out, I am the real author. Why is that suddenly becoming the focus point of this session?

Yes lord I am sorry for my outburst… I still do not have a mace in my briefcase, you are quite safe. Back to the point as they once said, this scholar has only taken the only solution left by all our hard work and put in the easy little piece of the large puzzle, which was and still is the infinite improbability drive. We as a community, as a scientific institute and as mace-less group of physicists are frustrated to say the least of this atrocity that has befallen our lifetime achievement.

Thank you my lord, it was a mouthful… yes I would like to say more on the subject. I am not only a spokesman for the entire physicist department and engineers, but also speaking on behalf of myself when I say that if rights are not changed in this matter, I will not be held accounted for the lynching that might occur.

No my lord, lynching not launching. Take it as you may on the behalf of the inhabitants of the universe, but I will not let this smart-ass take all the credit for such an important discovery.

I understand my lord, when can I expect the verdict upon this matter?

I am sorry my lord, I am not sure what you mean? You have not touched the books nor consulted with anyone.

Yes my lord.

I understand that time is an illusion my lord and lunchtime doubly so!

I am sorry my lord, I was not trying to be funny.

I will await your verdict my lord. Can I suspect a verdict before this illusion of a day is over?

I am not trying to be boorish my lord, I am just worried for the matter at hand. I am perfectly aware that the discovery of the infinite improbability drive is the only reason I can present my case to you.

I am not sure I understand? No I cannot sing…